holidays and life in general

[pepper309]

  I am truly dreading the holidays and they are not even here yet.  Thanksgiving was one my brother's favorite holidays because he loved to eat (he was a "growing" 22 yr old).  Christmas was fun because my brothers would tease me about the awful presents that I would get from my grandmother.  She means well, but sometimes she gets what she thinks is very fashionable and it's never quite me. 
  Now I'm not quite sure how it's going to be.  I know that my mom is going to be very sad, of course.  She keeps saying that she just can't believe that Boz is gone.  I am trying to be sympathetic and at the same time I am trying to somewhat move on just so that I can function. I have been able to drive past the spot where Boz had his accident and not cry, but that is not always the case. 
  I am going to make the best of the holidays for my daughter because she loves them.  I have thought about opting out of Christmas and trying to take her to Disney World instead.  But then I thought about my mom and about how happy my daughter makes her so leaving at x-mas would be unfair I suppose.  My husband says that should do what I want, but I don't even know what I want.
  I keep trying to tell myself to be happy and thankful for what I still have.  It's hard though because sometimes I picture everyone around me dying and it freaks me out.  Like if my one remaining brother died, then what?  It's like my life is divided into two sections- before my Boz, and after Boz.  It's taken over my whole life and I hate it.  Sometimes I resent him for leaving.  Mostly I'm just sad though.  I'm sure that he thinks it's funny.  He's probably floating around going, "You never wanted me around and now look at you!" 
The one thing I know for sure though is that I am not afraid of death now.  Life scares me, but death doesn't phase me.

[browneyedgirl]

Hi pepper ~ I, too am dreading the holidays, mostly because of my little nephew...poor guy doesn't have his daddy.  Tony used to spoil him so badly on Christmas. 

I also feel like my mother will be extra sad...I know she will feel guilty for having a good time...

I am so sorry for the loss of your brother, it's so hard I know.

Take care of yourself.

[pepper309]

I suppose that you just do the best that you can do for your nephew.  Maybe if your brother had certain traditionally things during Chirstmas that he did with his son you could do those too.  Starting some new traditions would be nice as well.  Like, for instance, I was thinking about taking my daughter on the Christmas Express train to see Santa this year.  That would be something new for us.  Either way it will be hard for sure.  You keep telling yourself that your loved one who has passed would want you to be happy, esp during the holidays.  That is eaiser said than done though.  I guess you just try to be there and support your family and take care of yourself as well