Grief and depression

[sevenofwands]

It looks like how we felt psychologically before any bereavement occurred has a lot of bearing on our grieving process:

I found this:


""Grief and depression are different. It is possible to grieve without being depressed, but many of the feelings are similar. ""

""Who is likely to get depression after a bereavement?
It is difficult to judge who will or won't suffer depression after a bereavement. However, risk factors thought to increase the chance include the following:

a previous history of depression
intense grief or depressive symptoms early in the grief reaction
few social supports
little experience of death.""

While we all experience grief and loss, each of us is unique in the ways we cope with our feelings.

Some people have healthy coping skills. They are able to experience grief without losing sight of their daily responsibilities. The grieving process is an opportunity for someone to appropriately mourn a loss and then heal. It's facilitated by acknowledging grief, allowing time for grief to work, and finding support.""

[SoCal2010]

The way someone responds to a death also depends on many other things. If it was sudden, the age of the person, how close they were, etc. A person can be a strong, independent person with the best coping skills in the world and still be unable to get out of bed some days when someone they love dearly dies.

The grief counselor from hospice gave me a Grief Verses Depression assessment. I wish I had it electronically so I could post it. It's pretty long. I learned that there is a very clear difference between depression and grief.

We can never fully know someone online and I would never be arrogant enough to think I could psychologically assess someone I've never met, but if I had to guess, I would say no one who posts here is depressed, they are grieving, some are grieving very deeply. A depressed person wouldn't even care enough to post in a forum looking for help or comfort. Posting here is a way of reaching out or venting or trying to make some sense of the loss or making sure your feelings don't stay bottled up. Depressed people don't do that, according to the Grief Counselor I saw.

[teppuM999]

i think depressed people to seek out help.
alot of suicide attempts are huge cries for help because smaller ones, like posting on forums, or trying to talk to other people, didn't work

[SoCal2010]

I was using this forum more as an example. There are people who have been posting here for years. If they were depressed, they wouldn't do that. I don't know, the assessment I took made everything pretty clear and made me realize that depression isn't as emotional as grieving, if that makes sense.

It's ironic because I joined some depression forums too when I also joined the grieve forums. They are totally different in tone. It's usually just someone posting "Life sucks and I hate my life" and that's it. That's very different from all the heartfelt posts in a forum like this. Also the depression forums aren't active like this one.

I don't know I just get the feeling some of the things I post are interpreted by someone as me not having coping skills or being self-reliant or independent. I was just saying a person can have all those things and STILL not want to get out of bed when they're grieving.

[teppuM999]

exactly, i sometimes think things like that, too.
of course making judgements based on a grief board would be unsound.
i think seeking this place out in the first place shows that we do have coping skills
don't think there's anything wrong with not feeling like getting up in the morning. everyone has good days and bad days.

[sevenofwands]

As the piece I found reads: "It is possible to grieve without being depressed, but many of the feelings are similar. ""
The feelings are similar.
It does not say grief and depression are one and the same thing.  By no means. 

But grief can cause depression, and I think there are some posters here who have said at various times that they were taking (or thought they should take) medication for depression and/or anxiety. 

Grief is a terrible, paralysing thing.  I know it.  I have been there.  And different people react differently to loss, depending on a number of factors, and this is not something I am making up.    I know I felt numbness and confusion, and you go through days in a sort of haze.

Indeed, we all have good and bad days. 
I don't think there is a person in the world who might not on occasion not want to get out of bed in the morning.

Could I just say I put up that information on depression and grieving , on a thread I started, merely as a piece of information.  There is a huge amount written about that same topic anyhow. 
It is not directed at or for anyone in particular, and is just that: a piece of information.


In concluding, there are forums on the topic of depression, and I would imagine that the people posting there are talking about their depression or perceived depression.

Best to all
Seven

[sevenofwands]

When my father died I was not there.  I had been home for Christmas and New Year, and Dad got the flu.  After New Year was over I went back abroad, and I remember seeing him standing in the hall of the house as I got into the car, and I was suddenly shaken by a feeling of how frail he looked.  He had always been a strong man with good health.
Less than three weeks later I got a phone call from my brother to say Dad had died suddenly.  I was shattered.  Still and all, I had to get myself together, get air tickets sorted, get home, attend a funeral, talk to people, and looking back it seems like a dream. 
I don't think it matters much the age of the person.  It is still a huge and griveous shock. 
I took three weeks off, during which time to help my mother sort things out: boxes of papers, (they seemed eternal!), clothes (she wanted to give everything away and that is what we did), and all manner of other stuff that had to be done.  Again, I suppose I did it all in some sort of haze, because I don't actually remember much of the detail.


Sevn

[Luvinmike]

Dear Seven;
So sorry for your loss of your Dad. And I hope all will be okay with your husband. Isn't it lucky in a way to have that final picture of him standing there. It will always be with you. Thinking of you...
Terri

[sevenofwands]

Hello Terri:

Thank you for those kind words.  They mean a lot.

We were so lucky, many or some of us, to have had good parents in our lives.  Sadly, it is not always the case.

Best wishes
Seven