my mom

[browneyedgirl]

I saw my mom for the first time in about a month, she has lost about 25 pounds since my brother died.  She looked frail and sickly.  She was always kinda chubby  .

I was standing in my sister-in-laws kitchen looking at her and I just blurted out, "Mom, you look sick"...after the words left my mouth, I thought about what I was actully saying...not very nice.

My sister-in-law who happened to be standing right there said "No, she looks sad".  And then it hit me, she could not have said it any better.  She looked sad.  So sad.  I don't know what to do to help her.  I have posted before about this.

When I realized that sad was the right word, not sick, it made me think of the poem that someone posted on here called "Ugly Shoes" or "Shoes", I can't remember the exact name, but that poem hit it dead on for what I see my mother going though.  I did send it to her, when I first saw it on here.

So, for all of you parents that take time to read other boards that  have lost your children, I am so sorry that you have to be here.  I am so sorry that ANY of us have to be here.

[YoungerSis]

I am sorry that your mom is so sad!  I'm sure there is nothing worse than losing a child - wondering what you could have done to save him/her, etc.

I can relate to what you are seeing.  I saw my mom last week - she barely ate, and looked so sad.  I know she (and my dad) are trying to be strong, but I can feel the sadness in the air when I am with them, despite the conversation and laughs.

Do you have a copy of the poem that you mentioned?  I would like to read it and maybe share it with my mom if you do.  Thanks.

[Jeanneb]

(((BROWNEYEDGIRL)))

I'm just so sorry... not much else to say.  I was talking with my daughter yesterday and she was telling me that she and her brother realize how "sad" I am and how they wish they could do something.

I realize there is nothing you can do and watching this person you love so much being sad... I just know how hard that is from both sides of the fence.  Have you mentioned to mom this website???  If nothing else for her to just come and read to see that she isn't alone... I can remember at the beginning of this journey when I lost my youngest child... oh how I felt so alone.

This is just so hard and wish I had some words of wisdom to help but I don't except keep talking, hugging and be patient.  Life will call her back one day but it can be a long winding road.

Love,
Jeanne
Philip's mom forever
Bruce's sister

[browneyedgirl]

Thank you both for replying....doesn't seem like many people are posting on the Sibling board anymore.  Not sure if that's good or bad...

[ScottW]

Does anyone have access to that poem?  I would love to see / read it.  My best to you and your family (to ALL of you and ALL of your families).  Scott

[Luvinmike]

Dear Browneyedgirl;
It is good that you are posting on the boards you see have activity on them, as your thoughts for others are so heartfelt and needed. How are you and your Mom doing? I am so sorry for your worries about Mom, I would guess you are doing your best to support her and your own grief, this must be so challenging. I am so sorry for your family's pain and ache over your brother. I hope your Mom starts to feel a little bit stronger.
Sincerely,
Terri

[laurenE]

is this it?  i found it by googling.





A Pair of Shoes

I am wearing a pair of shoes.

They are ugly shoes.

Uncomfortable shoes.

I hate my shoes.

Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.

Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step. Yet, I continue to wear them.

I get funny looks wearing these shoes.

I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.

They never talk about my shoes.

To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.

To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.

But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.

I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.

There are many pairs in this world.

Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.

Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.

Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.

No woman deserves to wear these shoes. Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.

These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.

They have made me who I am

I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.