Thinking of you Donna B.

[Luvinmike]

Dear Donna;
     I am thinking of you today and every day since you told us of losing your precious daughter. I just wanted you to know I am praying for your strength and I am sure all of us here are pulling for you to hang in there through this unimaginable grief. So sorry about your loss. So sorry that there are no words or kind thoughts that can impact this grief, but please know we all care and think of you- every day.
Love,
Terri

[georgiapeaches]

I'm with Terri, Donna, I am thinking of you and hope you are doing ok. My internet has been down with all this lightening going on, I get on and it knocks me right off. I am praying for you all the time and I always have a candle lit when I get home from work for all of us on this site to have alittle peace.

Love, Georgia.

[Donna B.]

Thank you so much Terri and Georgia, always there for me. I know I can count on the two of you. Today has been rough because Jerri's friend brought over a bunch of her stuff. She had been staying with him. I finally went through her purse and it just about killed me to find all the little notes she had wrote about things she needed to do when we got back home. Clothes everywhere. A lot of them I will give to a charity, but there are a lot I will keep for myself. Just can't let go of all her stuff. We use to wear each others clothes sometimes when she was living with me. She loved to collect teddy bears, and I found a lot of those. How can I possibly do this I ask myself. But I do it and I am usually doing it with an aching heart. I still can't believe she died. Now I find myself missing my husband and wishing he was here. She also had some kind of thing about collecting ink pens. Does anyone need any? I have to laugh sometimes to keep from crying. Which seems like I have been doing a lot. I know we are all here for each other and I have started posting again and reading the posts. It helps. Thanks Tom for this site. And Terri and Georgia say a little prayer for me and my family. (((hugs to you both))) Donna

[sevenofwands]

Hugs, Donna.  This is a terrible time for you. 
You are showing such extraordinary strength,

Seven

[Jap Jr]

Donna

Have been thinking of you since you posted about your daughter; keeping you and everyone on this site in my prayers everyday - yes, I really do!

Strength, some peace, comfort and (((hugs))) for you. My heart hurts for you with both your loses.

Kay

[kevinjj]

You are often in my mind too Donna and there is hurt over not understanding why this affliction has befallen you, so unfair, so wrong, so destructive. I pray that you may find some sleep at night and be able to eat food during the day and somehow survive this and keep on living. We know they want us to continue on but there is absolutely no comfort in knowing that. How are we to continue on? What are we to do? What can ever fill that terrible jagged void? Stay with us.

[Luvinmike]

Dear Donna;
Georgia lights her candle for you and all of us on this thread and this site continue to send you strength.
I cannot imagine how it feels to lose your daughter, so I am just wanting you to know my heart aches for you. I hope you continue to post when you can and continue to tell us about your Jerry and Jerri. I will say I beat myself up with the, "What ifs and I should haves..." until about one year after Mike's death. I now remember to replay these events without blaming myself. It took some time to think logically about it all. I would guess alot of people wish they did different things now that we look back at events.
The love you had and will always share, although so sadly different now- is the only thing that matters. Continued thoughts and prayers for you and your family Donna.
Terri

[Donna B.]

Terri thanks so much for just being you. You are the best! Georgia thanks for the candle and your support to.
This morning when I got up my leg hurts and I thought oh well no biggie because my heart is hurting so bad I just want to rip it out. I just want to scream and say why did you take my daughter, but I know there are a lot of reasons she is not here. She had some problems, I tried to help her and now I feel so guilty because maybe I could have done more. Now she has left her two sons, her brother and sister, lots of family and friends, and me behind. I think back to the year before my husband died how hard it was and than losing him and than my own battle with the horrible cancer and I think to myself why am I still here and my daughter died. I just don't get it. I am just going through the motions now. Try to stay somewhat sane for my daughter that still lives with me. Sleep, what is that and food just no appetite for it. Force myself to eat and yes Kevin I did get some ensure. Mostly I just keep wondering why.

Sorry for this tirade of mine, but it helps to get it out. If anyone reads this some days are okay, it is just today is a bad one. Friday it will be a month since she died. Here I go again down the grief road. Counting the months, reliving the last five days she was in the hospital and I think I'll never stop crying.

Thanks for your prayers Terri and everyone else I really really need them.

Donna

[MISSINGYOU]

Donna

Although I have not lost a child in the same manner, I have lost two I never met. When I lost the second, I thought, this isn't what is suppose to happen. Im the parent I should go first. I should be able to protect my kid and keep him/her safe. I am to blame for their death, what should or shouldn't I have done differently. I don't know if you have the same thoughts. I hope not. I hope you understand that sometimes, things occur. Sometimes we don't know why and its not right. Sometimes it is just out of our control. My first child, I was forced to give up. My third, I think He/she was just so sick it would not have been right for it to come into the world. My heart goes out to you. Know you are not to blame, others make choices for themselves that we can not control, illness occurs and many things are out of our control. Take Care

Elizabeth.

[sevenofwands]

So sorry you are having such a tough time Donna.  There is not a lot I can say, except look after yourself. Somehow or other, for the sake of your physical health, and emotional, do try to get some sleep, and eat what you can. 

Just to add:  don't blame yourself for anything.  In general, we don't have much control over life events, and in certain cases, no control at all.  We want what is best for others, particularly if they are family, but their idea of "best" and ours often do not coincide.  That's how life is.

Take care
Hugs
Seven

[Terry]

"I finally went through her purse and it just about killed me to find all the little notes she had wrote about things she needed to do when we got back home."

I'm so sorry, Donna. I know how painful this must have been for you and I 'hear' you when you say that you can't believe she died. No, how could you? It is still too soon for it to be real, in any sense of that word and its meaning.

This time you are living in is a different pain but one protected by 'shock' and after 3 years and for me, the 'shock' wore off,  (and I believe that time frame is close for most who have lost their child) and I remember being very grateful that it lasted for as long as it did. In this time I was able to 'do' the unimaginable...driving to my Jeff's home out of state to pack up his house...watching videos of he and me and his precious daughter....so many things that I could never accomplish now after almost six and a half years.

Jeff was my third child that died and my only surviving child. He was 29 and he was my life. It is still hard to believe that he is gone, although I live in reality and know there is no doubt that he is not coming back.
I still say, "Not Jeff, no, this can't be." So, it's very normal to live in disbelief and for a very long time and as one Father spoke of his daughter and how he felt..."I know in my mind that she is gone, but if my heart ever accepted it, it would surely kill me."

Every day is a challenge, as very sad memories become not as sad, but only at certain times, and the happier memories creep in and warm our heart, but they seem to be short-lived. They come for a visit and return quickly. Return to a place where a heart was once filled with happiness and joy and that is now learning/striving to live a life without them in it, although there are happy days but never uninterrupted by the gut-wrenching reminder that they are gone from our lives, forever. And, that's a long, long time.

I know your loss is so new and I remember those earlier days, weeks, months with all the confusion, and I hope you can feel my arms around you, because I am holding you. Holding you in love and understanding and support of 'all' of your feelings.

When you are able, I would love to hear more about your precious Jerri.

We all walk this journey together and when we fall and cannot get up, there are many arms around us that lift us.

You have My Love,
Terry

[Donna B.]

Thank you all of you for being there for me. I have had a rough couple of days couldn't bring myself to post came on the site and read post. You are all the best. I wish I could give you all a hug and take away all the pain. This is a website my friend created for Jerri. There are a lot of pics. Some taken on the trip before it happened. Others taken at home even one of her and Jerry her dad. Just wanted to share my beautiful daughter with you all
Terry, Seven, Elizabeth, Kay, Terri, Georgia, and Kevin hugs and love to you all. Donna

http://Http://www.billdonnie.com/memorial.htm

Sorry this page was removed, (for some reason) I will try to get some pictures of my daughter Jerri on my post soon. I am thinking of each of you and hope everyone is finding some kind of peace. (((hugs))) Donna

[MISSINGYOU]

Donna your daughter is and always will be beautiful. Thank you so very much for sharing this with us. I am deeply deeply touched.

Elizabeth

[sevenofwands]

Thank you, Donna. Such wonderful memories.  I hope you are feeling a little better, not too tired, and looking after yourself.

Hugs
Seven

[kevinjj]

I visited the site Donna, so nice, such good pictures. My heart just breaks for you, Im so sorry this has happened to you.  I wish I could take some of the hurt away from you.