Single mom's only daughter moving away

[aprilflowers]

Hey there...thanks for any advice for me, folks.

She's a big girl (30) and is moving to the "Big City" with live-in boyfriend in 6 weeks; he'll be a late entry into college and she has quit her FT job to accompany him. They have had their troubles as a couple. I have always given them plenty of space. I don't pry. I don't give advice unless asked.

 Friends say "let her go, it's time."  I did that though 6 years ago when she went to college and got her own place after graduating. But here is my question. This event (moving to new city)  is actually scaring me. I fear my daughter and I will be more estranged and that the relationship will never be the same. That happened with my own mom when my sister moved 3,000 miles away.

I am trying to just stay silent as daughter already annoyed. Is this a good strategy...??

[pondering]

Your friend is right "Let her go, it's time. I know this event(moving to new city)  is actually scaring you Because you are her mother. Now she is 30 lets take her own challenge's.

[Jeanneb]

Well lets face it, at 30 you don't have many choices.  You can accept and keep your daughter or  you can put up a fuss and push her away.

While we certainly don't have to agree or like what they do, they grow up they do what they want and there isn't much we can do about it.  I say embrace it... be positive and excited for her.  I'm sure you have raised an intelligent woman who can take care of herself or she is about to find out how to.

Every relationship has to be cultivated, feed... you can do this.  Keep all doors open... go visit her... just keep your opinions to yourself unless asked and then be careful how you deliver it.  Find the good in the move... it will be new and exciting, a time to meet new people and be the best person she can be.

Change is hard... just keep those lines of communication open.

Yep... it's time to let go and just hug her and tell her how proud you are of her.... then watch your beautiful butterfly soar.

Jeanne
Philip's mom forever
Bruce's sister

[scampi]

Hi from my own experience in that my daughter has moved to the other side of the world and my son is also contemplating it, you really need a friend or acquaintance who is in the same postion as you .  
Well meaing friends think they are saying the right things but really have absolutely no idea how you are feeling when their family is around them daily or weekly. People say - you can keep in touch by telephone internet etc, but all you will want to do is to touch her, hold her when she's down and you know you can't.
Try and find someone who actually understands you and you can talk to, as then hopefully  you can cry on each other's shoulders as that's what you need.
it is indeed a loss of the relationship that you planned when she was a babe in arms, but whilst all you want is for your children to be happy, you did not anticipate feeling how you feel now.  
someone to talk to is a must for you to cope and if necessary see a counsellor who might enable you too look at the situation differently - i am waiting for my own appointment so know what you must feel like,
I wish you and everyone in the same postion as us the best  of luck for the future.

[aprilflowers]

Jeanne and all...thanks for your insight.  It's very helpful. This gets so complicated because I am also struggling with a 2-year "significant other" relationship with a widower right now too - he's evasive and runs hot/cold, and yes, I care deeply for him.  (I have read this up and down stuff is often the case with widowers; his spouse died several years back.)  That's got me anxious too, though I suspect three fourths of the challenge is dealing with my own reactions, imagined and real. Sometimes things happen all at once, I guess.
But thanks, everyone.

[sevenofwands]

It is part of life that children grow up and move away.  Some families may have offspring who live closer to them (then there are those who don't even talk to their offspring, near or far! Yes!), and then there are the majority whose children do grow up, move away, marry, move to another country. 
People react in different ways to these life events, I have noticed. 

It is good to talk to someone about your feelings, and to have support and help at a time when you are feeling sad.

Seven