still here

[patty]

Hi, I found GAH at last, had the site in "favorites" and it wasn't coming up.  Anyway, just wanted to say HI to everybody and say that I'm still here.  I haven't posted for quite a while.  Not that I'm still not greiving, I will never be normal again and haven't adjusted.  Of course Christmas is always so rough.  It just seems it's something that used to happen, now it's for everybody else.  I feel like I'm in a bubble, I can see it and I know it's out there but I am not a part of it since I am alone.  I still miss my husband more than i can bear.  Even though this is the 4th Christmas without him for some reason this year I'm even more reluctant, still haven't made much of an effort for Christmas.  I have been invited over to be with friends again this year, won't be alone ( oh yes I will, even in a group I still feel alone).  I almost feel like saying I have a cold and not going but I suppose that would make me feel worse.  I guess I'll have to give myself the nudge that John always used to give me when I was facing something I really didn't want to deal with.  It's just so hard to think of the past, it all seems like a dream or a movie I saw.  How long can I feel this bad?  Until I decide not to feel bad, I guess.  Can't get myself to come to life.  I know if I was the one whose life ended.... John always found it very easy to move on, I always clung to the past.  My family was very nostalgic so I guess I inherited this tendancy.  Anyway, I'm still here.
    I hope all of you are as OK as you can be.  Thinking of all of you at GAH, Patty

[dht]

Hi Patty
Good to hear from you.I often wonder how everyone is doing especially those that were so supportative to me two years ago whenI lost my husband.I know exactly how you feel ,yes we will always feel like we are alone but have to look at it as we were so blessed to have been loved so much but better to share this pain than never to have known or had such love and care.We just have to keep on trucking one day at a time and go through all the motions knowing that someday we will be together again and focus on the blessings we have in our life,big or small,and enjoy the day for what it is ,because of what we have experienced in our grief we begin to realize that in reality our time here is not really very long .
Hang in there,the holidays are always more difficult for us and makes us miss the other half of us.I have sold my home and moved to a condo and am doing my best to make a life for me knowing that in my heart I hold a love and life of wonderful memories  of a man who loved me dearly and for that I will be forever grateful
Take Care
Dawne

[Lonnie]

Patty: So good to hear from you! This is such a difficult time of year when you have lost someone. How deep the love and memories must be, and that means the pain runs very deep also. I am glad that you will be with friends if that is what you want to do. If not, that's okay too! But perhaps even a little time with them would do you good. Just to get out a little and be with people. I think we always tend to think the men would do better after a loss, but some really don't. I have heard that when a man marries fairly quickly after the death of his spouse, it just indicates how much he needed her and hates to be alone. Sometimes people choose someone for just that reason-so they won't be alone, but that is not always the best decision. There are worse things than being alone, but at this time of year, so many people are hurting so badly. Drop by when you can. Hugs-Lonnie