new person-hurting alot

[Jap Jr]

Flamingo and Teppu;

(I get so sad because I waited so long to meet him and we had such a short time.  He was such an amazing man, he was my soul mate that always accepted and loved me no matter what).

again, I am just copying what you said, as it could have been my exact words.

Kay

[flamingofred]

THank you for all of your support guys, but now what.

[MISSINGYOU]

Now we do what we have to to heal and live on as that is what I believe our loved ones would want us to do. We do not forget, the pain subsides but never goes away and we remember the laughter and advice they would give us if they were on earth. My  opinion only.

Elizabeth

[SoCal2010]

I think now everyone just needs to let themselves grieve but also find ways to nourish themselves. I've learned that if you don't have any type of hope for the future, you might as well give up. So I think everyone needs to hang on to some dream or something that at least gives them a purpose. For those of you with children or grandchildren, it's easy to find that since you have them to live for. For people without kids, it can be something else. For me, I'm dreaming of moving to another state so that's giving me some sense of hope. I might not move at all, but even occassionally thinking about it does me good. Otherwise I would just find the future 100 percent bleak.

[teppuM999]

finding a purpose is hard, now.
i have no idea, i feel like i don't have one. no future, nothing.
honestly, i never really felt like i did. never felt like i'd live very long, that i would die early so nothing really mattered.
then with matthew, suddenly i wanted to live forever. we had a plan -- first time in my life i felt like there was a real plan, and a future.
now he's gone, and along with him, the future.

it's very hard to find anythign to believe in now. =p

[flamingofred]

I do realize that I really am not in control of my future, that God has a plan, it's just hard to imagine hopefully fulfilling my plan without Larry in my life.  I got so use to his support and belief in me.  I do realize that God put him in my life to help me do things that I might not have had the nerve to do and it was God's plan to have Larry with him now, I guess I just have to get back into my faith more so i don't loose focus.

Thanks guys for listening, it hurts me also to know that there are alot of other people hurting and lost.

[SoCal2010]

When I listen to those of you who have lost spouses/S.O. it makes me realize how much a person can change your life and how you feel about everything. I haven't had that soul-mate experience but reading some of your posts makes me realize how special it must be to feel that. It's nice to hear that you all found someone who made you feel so happy. I'm sorry your time together was too short. (((hugs)))

[flamingofred]

I was just crying thinking about all that has happened in the past year, and it hit me , something I wrote here a while ago ----my husband had such courage in dealing with the cancer, the treatment then finding out it was back and then finding out that he was dying-- if he had the courage to do all that i think i have the courage to face another day.

Thanks hon you once again saved the day.

[MISSINGYOU]

well said flamingofred well said

[flamingofred]

a year ago this weekend we found out that his cancer had come back in a few places.  I remember feeling that my world had stopped, the floor came out from under me, but tried to hold it together for him,.

he asked me while at home a couple of days later what the cancer meant in terms of coming back and i had to tell him that he was dying and that we just had to find out how much time he had left.
I couldn't lie to him, he was my soul mate and wanted an answer to question that I think tha the knew what the answer was anyway.

I am glad that I was the person to tell him instead of a doctor.

memmories

As it turned out he only had three weeks left to liveafter diagnosed,but we only found this out when he had one week to live

[flamingofred]

The worst part about larry having passed away a year ago is that it is now so real that he is gone.  I can't fool myself into believing that he will be back.  Now I have to move on and I don't want to.  I just want him back.  What is my life going to be like now and in the future.


So many thoughts and questions, I'll just keep praying

[Linda1977]

I am sorry for your loss.  I found this forum just 2 days ago and am so glad that I did.  I hope you find comfort in knowing that a lot of people care about what you are going through.  It will hopefully help us all get through the process of dealing with the new "normal" of living without our loved one that has passed.

  I watch what it has done to my dad after my mom was killed by a drunk driver back in December.  So, we deal with our own grief of losing my mom and then have to watch our dad suffer without her.  They were married for 58 years.  I noticed recently that he had taken their marriage certificate and put it in a frame and had it in the living room.  He talks about the early years, how they met, things that happened, etc.. 

Anyway, may God hold you up until you can stand on your own.

Linda

[flamingofred]

Thank you Linda.

Yesterday a year ago he found out he had a week at the most to live.

It is so strange this stupid grieving process.  Now thoughts are in my head like okay my heart still hurts, but what is next.
I come home to my puppies every day, do some things with friends but I feel like I have to rebuild or do something.  Probably it has to do with a big part of my life missing and my need to fill it.
It is weird.

[sevenofwands]

Indeed, yes, Flamingo.  So many thoughts and questions.  No way of knowing what lies ahead.  Surprises, surely.  Because life seems, to me anyhow, one long bag of surprises.  Isn't it as well we cannot tell the future, IMO.

Best wishes
Seven

[flamingofred]

A year ago today Larry passed away.

Chomper (my doggy, Courtney my other doggy can barely walk) and I are going to go to the off leash doggie park and let some of Larry's ashes go.  He loved this park - you could see the rockies.