new person-hurting alot

[sevenofwands]

Flamingo:

I can only sympathise with these difficult times you are experiencing. 

I honestly don't think people feel it is a taboo topic, but rather that they don't want to upset you by asking something which, in their perception, might be hurtful.  Perhaps if you were to say it to them first?  Maybe. Tell them your feelings. 

Seven

[flamingofred]

Your point is very valid.  But what is interesting is that some of my clients who have a mental illness ask me and check in with me in regards to how i am doing re; larry's death, however collegues and friends dont talk about his death or ask questions.

I don't know all of this is so strange.  It just is so werid not having him around to vent to and validate my feelings like he always did.

I also realized that when you go through yourdaily life and know that you have someone who loves you all the crap that comes your way is more manageable.

What a starnge journey.

[sevenofwands]

Life surely is a strange, eventful  journey!  Of that there is no doubt.  And absolutely everyone is in the same boat.
There is not one person I know that has not experienced some calamity in his or her life.  Not one. 

Seven

[flamingofred]

I am having more positive days lately which is so nice.  At times I feel guilty that I am having a good day without my husband but I soon remember that he is with God having better days than I am.

So it appears that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
 

[Jap Jr]

flamingofred

Nice to hear you are having more positive days, and you see the "light".
I don't see the light yet, but someday hope to say I do. It is still difficult to get through a day without crying and missing Jim so much. It was just 6 months that I lost him. I don't know how to react anymore to people "out there". So many think I should be "over it" and "getting on" with my life like nothing has happened. To them, it hasn't! I don't want to just "get over it"; I hate this more than they will ever know, until it happens to them. Makes me more upset and angry than I thought it would. I am trying to be more positive and thank God for the time Jim and I did have and to help me get through this.

Kay

[carrieset]

flamingored:

I am happy you are having better days, too.  Send some of those my way!!! 

Carrie

[flamingofred]

Jap jr

I get what you are going through.  I don't tell everyone how i am doing.  If I get the feeling that they are really there for me then I talk abit.  I really just talk to God alot and to Larry about how much I miss him.  This site helps alot for me anyway.

All I can say is don't deny yourself your feelings of loss, those feelings in a way honor the one you lost, do what is best for you.

[flamingofred]

Have had a really tough week.  Don't know why was doing better for a little while, but this week have found myself t

crying alot over losing Larry.

Thinking about him alot. I even call my house to hear his voice on the answering machine.

Maybe it's just the way grief goes, you think you are doing better then wham it hits you again.

[Jap Jr]

flamingo

That is how I am feeling; just thinking about Jim so much; this whole week each day has gotten worse; just can't stop the crying and the feeling such pain, hurt, ache and lonliness. I have a recorded voice of Jim from his cell phone that someone else did for me; I listen to that every now and then; it's only a few seconds of his voice.

Must be the roller coaster going non-stop.

[carrieset]

Kay:

Every few days I watch a video on my computer.  It is Laurence pretending to be some aussie guy (accent and all) taking his turtles out of his ponds............

Makes me cry everytime..........as he says he will be backe

Not ready to delete the video yet.

Carrie

[Pete (UK)]

Everyone:

I've been able to manage (after a fashion) without the site for some time, but it's one year today since I lost Hetty, the love of my life. I came onto the site just to thanks everyone who's been there for me since that awful day, then I realised that every day there are new contributors, who've also lost their soul-mates.

I'd love to say it gets easier, and in many ways it does. I have to admit there are moments when I'm not gripped with pain, panic and that overwhelming grief we all know so well, but these moments are few, and I'm never without deep sadness in my life.

I've now recovered from my accident three months ago and due to return to work on Monday, suddenly understanding that it's a new start in a new life without the warm and comforting basis of my wife's love.

To all of you who know me, I thank you for your love and support, for all those new to the site, I wish you relief from your misery.

I've included a link here for a song that gave me a measure of 'closure' six months ago, please listen and read the words, they may help.

God bless you all,
Pete (UK)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT0MnvgatrA



See the Sun

I'm told 'one day the sun will shine again
I'm comin' 'round to open the blinds
You can't hide here any longer
My God you need to rinse those puffy eyes
You can't last here any longer

And yes they'll ask you where you've been
And you'll have to tell them again and again

And you probably don't want to hear tomorrow's another day
Well I promise you you'll see the sun again
And you're asking me why pain's the only way to happiness
And I promise you you'll see the sun again

Come on take my hand
We're going for a walk, I know you can
You can wear anything as long as it's not black
Please don't mourn forever
She's(He's) not coming back

And yes they'll ask you where you've been
And you'll have to tell them again and again

And you probably don't want to hear tomorrow's another day
Well I promise you you'll see the sun again
And you're asking me why pain's the only way to happiness
And I promise you you'll see the sun again
And I promise you you'll see the sun again

Do you remember telling me you found the sweetest thing of all
You said one day this was worth dying for
So be thankful you knew her(him) at all
But it's no more

And you probably don't want to hear tomorrow's another day
Well I promise you you'll see the sun again
And you're asking me why pain's the only way to happiness
And I promise you you'll see the sun again

I promise you you'll see the sun again

See the sun again

[wanda]

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of 38 years last April 8, 2008. It has been a rough year. I read about the steps of grief. 1. shock, that gets you through the funeral: 2. Guilt, that maybe you could have done something more to help them.: 1 and 2 will last about 2 weeks. 3. Grief . There is no time limit.
4. Anger, either at yourself for grieving so long, The person that died, or at God., When you go through # 4, you are recovering. I have not reached # 4 as yet. The grief is so overwhelming. I now live alone. The kids are all gone. So alot of time on your hands, even though I work. My husband lost his legs 10 years ago, so I had been a caregiver for a long time. So it is also a shock that you don't have anyone to take care of, which can be nice at times. I stopped cooking and eating. I lost 22 pounds, down to 106. I finally gained 20 of it back. Now I know why, when an old person dies, that their spouse usually dies soon after. I really wanted to go to. I look so forward to going to Heaven now. But I am 58 years old. My life( as I knew it) is gone. I still do the same things, but half of me is gone. It's like losing your right arm. You know you will eventually learn to make it with one arm, but you will always be aware that your right arm is missing.  Please don't make any decisions for a year or so. I wanted changes, something to make me feel better. I had to realize that I just wanted my life back. Nothing will make it better for now. So just hang in there. Let God handle everything. Grieve. It gets a little better. It's been almost 14 months for me. I miss my husband so much, especially when the kids/grandkids come, or his family. He loved his family. But I'm trying.

[Pete (UK)]

Wanda:

Thanks for the reply, I'm going to blow it away at a rock gig tonight hopefully, I'll write a longer email as soon as I get the chance.

Keep strong, thanks for your support,

Pete

[Jap Jr]

Pete

thanks for the link; listened to it and it made me cry ...... what beautiful words and I am at that 6 month mark; been having alot of sad days this week and crying so much; didn't know I still had that many tears left in me, but I am sure there will many more to cry.

I miss Jim so much; as you do your Hatty at this 1 yr anniversary - prayers, peace and strength to get you through .

Kay

[Jap Jr]

wanda

I am at 6 months and it seems to be worse, not better. I have been through so many stages and back again. The roller coaster and waves of emotions are sometimes overwhelming. The crying I have been doing all week, tears just won't stop. I hadn't screamed in hurt for a month or so and the other day it got to me again. The anger, the frustrations. Just the damn missing Jim; my heart and body ache for him in so many ways. I am 54, he was 62, but didn't look older than me. He was very active and then cancer got him; 3 months later. Didn't expect him to die in the hospital that day either, everyone was shocked. So much unsaid, undone and now it can never be. Trying to turn it over to God, because I can't do it anymore, but then I guess I never could. I sure as hell tried tho! I thought I was super woman and could take care of it - he was going to live no matter what! God had other plans than the ones Jim and I made. Can't put a time table on anything, and I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel as of yet. Time is just seconds, minutes and hours rolling into days, week, months, years ,,,,,,,,,,,,

I miss US, WE

This happens to other people, not me and now I am that other people. This new "normal" for me and the rest on this site, really sucks. Guess I should not speak for everyone, just me, but it still plain sucks.

Better days ahead, I pray.

Kay