This is so much harder than I thought it would be

[Allytad]

   My mom passed away on Jan. 16 at 4:30 am after a long battle with COPD.  She ended up getting pneumonia in both of her lungs which led to sepsis and to her being on a ventilator for her last days.  My dad, brothers, sisters and I had to make the decision to take her off of the ventilator after her kidneys failed and dialysis didn't work.  Her last minutes after we took her off were just HORRIBLE.  I cannot get the image of her gasping for air out of my head.
   I lost my best friend- Mom was simply the greatest person in the world.  She was kind, gentle, loving.  All of my friends just loved her.  I miss her so, so much.  Everyday I catch myself wanting to just talk to her- about my infant, my child, the news, anything.  I loved our conversations and I felt secure knowing she was there, loving me and supporting me.  I feel so alone now and the world is suddenly a much more terrifying place.  The grief seems to be suffocating me.  It's hard to picture going the rest of my life w/o being able to talk to my mom.  It breaks my heart that my son won't be able to remember her.  I have no idea how to even begin to heal.

[patchoulipenny]

My heartfelt sympathy to you. it's all about baby steps - if you can't handle things hour by hour, set your goals lower to just getting through the next ten minutes or even minute by minute. don't be hard on yourself for not getting stuff done.

your best therapy are your children, they are babies for such a cruelly short time, i would not want you to miss a minute of it, it's so prescious. show them nature and how understand the cycle of birth, death and rebirth - it will equip them and yourself at coping better.

read other's stories here but more importantly, read the advice they are given by very empathic people on here.  look at my post about 'some help for some i hope', think it's near the top.

my heart also goes out our UK MP, David Cameron, whose 6 year old son died this week. an african lady once said to  my mom after my dad had died, "Be glad you still have your children, there is no worse pain in the universe like the pain of losing your child"

my greatest sympathies to you and i hope you get something out of this site, take care Penny

[tsoley]

I am so very sorry for the loss of your mom. I can tell you love her so much and that you have a very close relationship with her. Note that I said "love" not "loved" and "have" not "had." I say it this way because she will always be with you. She lives on in your heart. May your memories bring you some comfort.

[futbllwmn]

Ally.... I am on this site due to the sudden loss of my husband last June.  But a little over 4 years ago I lost my mother.  My mother also had COPD.  My husband and I had gone over to visit her and she wasn't feeling well.  She had been laying down when we got there and I asked her to get up and sit in her rocker.  She was rocking, rocking and my husband and I were talking and suddenly he said to me "Joyce I think your mother is gone"  I looked over and her head was down, as if she was resting but she was gone.  There has not been a day that has gone by I don't think of her and miss her terribly.  She was always there for me... in good times and in bad.  She was one of the sweetest women I ever knew.  All of us here understand what you are going through.  The people here are wonderful.  They have been more of a help to me than they will ever know.  So come back often.  We do care about you.

Prayers for all of us... just for a moment of peace.

Joyce

[georgiapeaches]

Ally,
I'm so sorry for your loss, I just lost my mother this past November. I have no parents left and thats such a lonely feeling. Telling your son as much as you can about his wonderful grandmother, she lives on in your heart and can live on through your son. Much prayers to you and your family.

Georgia.

[greengirl2]

I am so sorry and sad to hear about your mom. I lost my Dad on December 18th who died of lung problems too.  It is so hard and sad to lose a parent.  I still talk to my Dad. It is ok. Just talk to your mom out loud or in your head. Whenever you feel like it. I also keep a journal and write to my Dad.  As for the recurring images and memories of the horrible last few days, I keep playing them in my head too. I can hear my dad struggle for air. I can only say that with time my mind seems to play them a little less. At first it was every day and then maybe every other day.  I am so sorry for you and your family and I feel for you. 
Know that my thoughts are with you and your family and my heart goes out to you.

greengirl 

[tinkabell8998]

Im so sorry to hear about your mother. I lost my mom back in september and i know the feeling of wanting to talk to her. Theres times when i come home and hav things i want to tell her but i just cant because shes not here either. But remeber she knows everything thats going on in ur life and when u want to talk to her just pray to her she hears you . stay strong and if u need someone to talk to feel free to message me.

[Allytad]

   Thank you all for your kind words, I really appreciate them.