Lost soulmate

[KITA]

Maybe my story will top all of them….last week my soulmate decided she wanted to end our relationship of almost 10 years.  At first I was angry, but now, well now, I am sad. We have broken up before, but always she has returned to me.  My heart tells me that this time is the last.  Shall I add here that we are both married to different spouses, but this wasn’t an affair even though it was an affair.  We both live in empty marriages and we filled each others needs for human warmth and compassion.  It was nice to speak with her everyday, it was the sane part of my day.  I know the pain will pass, but the waiting is the hard part. 

Any advice?

[sevenofwands]

Kita:

Did your friend say why she wished to end the relationship? 

I am also not a little perplexed by the phrase "empty" marriage.  You mention a ten-year timeframe.  Perhaps it might have been a more advisable, constructive and happier course of action to have bailed out of the two empty marriages back then?  Ten years wasted on something empty is a sad state of affairs, when life has so much to offer.

Perhaps the situation which has now arisen is the opportunity to review the whole situation and your marriage.

All the best
Seven

[laurenE]

If you two are truly over, then healing will occur once you sever all ties...all communication.   Thats the hard painful part.   After 10 yrs,  it will not happen over night.  It will take time to heal.

Talking about it to someone that you trust, writing out your feelings, and  having a "breakup buddy" who you can call when you are tempted to call her, will be helpful as well.

lauren

[KITA]

Thanks Lauren.  She is gone....I know that...she is off to Hawaii with her family for two weeks and she is trying to heal as well.  I know this will take time, but hopefully this board will help me get over this.

[KITA]

sevenof wands, to answer your questions...I dont know why she ended it, she just did.  She is a cancer survivor and has been trying to reduce her stress and make her life simpler.  Maybe this is part of it....who knows, I sure dont and right now it doesnt matter.

We did consider leaving our respective marriages early on, but children were involved so we did not want to cause any harm to anyone (it worked, the only ones harmed are ourselves! )

I would rather try to work these issues sequentially, first, I want to deal with my grief and loss, then I will assess the rest of my life.

[sevenofwands]

Understood, Kita.  I just wondered why she would decide to take the step, but what you say about the illness she had, well maybe that is indeed part of the equation.  I did not want to pry.


All the best
Seven
 

[KITA]

You arent prying, thats why I posted this problem.  Sadly though, I do not seem to be getting better.  Only worse, which I had expected.  Time will take care of this for me, I just need to suffer the pain for a while longer.

[sevenofwands]

Loss is so painful, Kita, and we are never quite prepared for it.  Coming to terms with the whys and wherefores, or maybe understanding the "whys" can help in the recovery process (well, I suppose I have found it so).  Everyone is different.

All the best
Seven

[KITA]

Seven,

I dont know the whys, and I probably never will.  I did read a link you posted in another thread regarding 10 choices we have.  I know I have a choice between being sad or happy, I am making a conscious effort to chose happiness.  it works for a while.

thanks

[Luvinmike]

Thinking of you KITA and sending you the strength and kindness that comes from knowing others really do care. So sorry for the pain you are experiencing. I agree w/ Lauren and Seven. My prayers are with you as you work on this new chapter in your life. I hope you will take the time to grieve and continue to seek health and healing. Sorry for your pain. Terri

[KITA]

thank you Terri, I think I just may get over this!