Practical help

[sevenofwands]

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm

Contact a grief counselor or professional therapist if you:

Feel like life isn’t worth living
Wish you had died with your loved one
Blame yourself for the loss or for failing to prevent it
Feel numb and disconnected from others for more than a few weeks
Are having difficulty trusting others since your loss
Are unable to perform your normal daily activities

The difference between grief and depression
Distinguishing between grief and clinical depression isn’t always easy, since they share many symptoms. However, there are ways to tell the difference. Remember, grief is a roller coaster. It involves a wide variety of emotions and a mix of good and bad days. Even when you’re in the middle of the grieving process, you will have moments of pleasure or happiness. With depression, on the other hand, the feelings of emptiness and despair are constant.

Other symptoms that suggest depression, not just grief:

Intense, pervasive sense of guilt.
Thoughts of suicide or a preoccupation with dying.
Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness.
 Slow speech and body movements
Inability to function at work, home, and/or school.
Seeing or hearing things that aren’t there.
 

[sevenofwands]

I thought I would put up this link - I may have done so before.

I am thinking here of posters who have lost a parent (or SO) who was NOT "nice" to them, and as one poster said in her post: "she was always critical of me".

You will read here about others who find or found themselves in the same situation, and how they address or addressed it:
 

www.voicelessness.com

Seven

[sevenofwands]

http://www.depressiondialogues.ie/custom19/

There are many excellent links, and wide, thought provoking information on this Irish site, on the topic of depression, and the medications use.

Seven

[sevenofwands]

Thought I would put up this useful link.  I notice that many who post on our website find it difficult to locate a therapist, or are too far away from one, or maybe finances are a problem, or they have encountered a therapist who did not suit them.
Maybe they will find some solutions here:

http://counsellingresource.com/ask-the-psychologist/2009/02/18/widowed-after-43-years/

[sevenofwands]

A book:


What Everyone Should Know About the First Year of Grief  Kay Talbot, Ph.D.

An excerpt:



""Expect exhaustion and disruption.

Early grieving is perhaps the hardest work you will ever do. It is common to have difficulty sleeping, changes in appetite and blood pressure, tense muscles that are susceptible to strains, a weakened immune system. Be sure to tell your physician about your loss and any physical symptoms you have. If your doctor can't or won't listen, find one who will!

After a loss, many people return to work, school, or other activities feeling vulnerable, less confident about their capabilities, less able to concentrate, distracted by memories, and flooded with emotions that disrupt thinking. For others, work is the only place they are able to concentrate-focusing on tasks helps take their mind off their loss for a while.

Those around us may have unrealistic expectations as we return to work or school. When one mother whose only child had died returned to work, her supervisor greeted her by saying: "I'm sorry about your loss but I want to talk to you about improving your work performance." Expect to be stunned by the ineptness, thoughtlessness, and discomfort of some people, and to be thrilled and deeply touched by the kindness and sensitivity of others. Sometimes those you expect to support you the most can't or won't meet your needs, while others you weren't that close to before reach out unexpectedly.

[sevenofwands]

I thought this article very good and helpful, particularly in the context of the painful feelings brought about by grief.

""It is common to see more rigid reliance on paranormal, religious or superstitious sentiments during stressful periods, as they temporarily explain and contain worrisome feelings. A common parable frequently intoned is that all things happen for a reason. A more mature interpretation is that we make meaning from the things that happen to us. The former philosophy reflects the passivity of infancy, while the latter suggests a greater sense of personal agency.

To understand and regulate anxious feelings, we must work in the present to reconstruct the past. By being curious about ourselves, we open up creative channels, giving voice to emotions that have ossified in the body. We tilt the body-mind configuration toward a more developed mind-body relationship.
""

""As hope begins to replace doom, fresh solutions to life’s challenges avert repetitious spirals mired in the remote past. Happy and sad".

http://www.psychology.com/articles/?p=81#more-81

[sevenofwands]

http://www.compassionfatigue.org/

"Caring too much can hurt. When caregivers focus on others without practicing self-care, destructive behaviors can surface. Apathy, isolation, bottled up emotions and substance abuse head a long list of symptoms associated with the secondary traumatic stress disorder now labeled: Compassion Fatigue".

And:

http://www.apa.org/monitor/sep95/care.html

[sevenofwands]

Posters often are concerned by this aspect of life on the net.  Grief of another kind can be avoided if one is  aware.

www.spiesonline.net/cyberstalkers.shtml

[sevenofwands]

http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/depression-grief

This link is in connection with a post I  put up on "main".

Seven

[sevenofwands]

http://www.voicelessness.com/images/img0424.gif

This site is by a Jewish psychologist, Dr. Richard Grossman.  It is well worth looking at, anyone who has children's interests at heart.

Seven

[sevenofwands]

http://www.willieverbegoodenough.com/endorsements.php

“Will I Ever Be Good Enough? is an amazing journey out of pain. Providing true professional guidance and clarity, Dr. Karyl McBride heaps in genuine love and kindness. This book is like having an ideal therapist at your convenience,

[sevenofwands]

I am putting these up here as well.  Because I think they are very practical.

Hello to all:

This evening going through some old boxes of papers and stuff I came across this page:

Ten Golden Rules for Myself

1. I should give myself the same care and attention  give others
2. I am not an endless"resource" for others.  I must stock up on "reserves" and not get too drained.
3. I have needs which may be different from my family, my friends or my collagues
4. I do not have to say "yes" to all requests - or feel guilty if I say "no".
5. I have the right to be treated with respect as a worthwhile, intelligent and competent person
6. I do not have to have everyone's approval all the time to know that I am trying my hardest
7. Time for unwinding is time very well spent.
8. Making mistakes is not a disaster- I can learn from these and it allows other to as well.
9. I must be fair tomyself and remember, at all times, especially in the face of criticism, anxiety and difficulties THAT I AM DOING THE BEST THAT I CAN.

----------O-------------O-------------O

Sounds to me like a very healthy recipe ....

Best to all
Seven