I am new

[Jap Jr]

I am new to this site; have never posted anything before. I was looking for something else and this site popped up - must have been a "sign" for me. I have read several of the posts and felt "at home".
I lost my fiancee on November 21, 2008 from cancer; he was just diagnosed in August 2008 (he had colon cancer & surgery about 6 years ago); I did not expect to lose Jim. We were to be married sometime this year in 2009. Had not gotten my ring yet; was getting it for my Christmas present; he said he was not able to get out and get it yet, as he was taking OT & PT to get to walking again; he was in a wheelchair temporarily because of the rod put in his leg in September, because the cancer had weakened it. We had our first "date" on NYE 2004, so the past Holidays were all hard. Buried him 2 days before Thanksgiving, then to get through Christmas, and mainly NYE - that was very difficult. It will only be 2 months on Wednesday. I miss him so much; every day that goes by is not getting easier yet; it's like an open wound and so fresh. I have started a grief group, and it is for 7 weeks; and another coming up. At this point, I have all I can do to get through an hour at a time. I have alot of family around, but they are busy with their own lives, too. My 3 children and grandchild do not live close. I try and talk to as many people as I can who will listen to me. It helps for the time, but then the quiet of our home, and the lonliness are almost unreal to bear. It's the nights when I realize Jim will not be coming home and mornings when he is not there when I wake up, and have that pit in my stomach. The hurt, the pain, the missing, the EVERYTHING he is to me. So many things unsaid, undone; the loss of our future. I look at pictures of him everyday and cry; seems all I can do is cry; when I go to bed and when I get up each day; it's all I can do to get the energy to get out of bed. We had so much to look forward to; we always had alot of family and friends over and BBQ's, bon fires, Holiday parties and visiting; trips planned; now it's gone; just will never be the same. It just hurts so bad.

[georgiapeaches]

Dear Jap,
I'm so sorry for your loss. You didnt even get started with your life and it was taking away, how cheated you must feel, so sorry.  Life is so unfair to us isnt it?  My mother just passed away from colon cancer, and when I saw her it didnt look anything like her at all. The holidays were very hard on everyone on this site, it was very hard around here.

I'm glad that you feel at home here, its very comfortable on this site, and you should feel comfortable to write anytime and anything you would like. I thought of my husband when you said you were waiting for your ring on NYE, my husband proposed to me on Christmas eve 1987, he also passed away this year, so your post hits home for me.

I hope you will come back and talk more, there are alot of people on the main board to talk with including myself. Again, so sorry for your loss, your in my prayers.

Georgia.

[Jeanneb]

Hi and welcome,

I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your precious finacee.

I am Jeanne and normally post on the child loss and sibling loss board.  I lost my youngest son 5 years ago and my brother 12 years ago.

As you are able please try posting on the main board.  There are many there who truly understand your pain and walk this journey beside you.  You will find amazing, caring, loving people.  

You are so early on this journey and I know the pain can just seem so unbearable.  Just know you are not alone and we care.

Deep breaths and baby steps,
Jeanne
Philip's mom forever
Bruce's sister