suicide of brother ( in law but still my brother)

[kat_246]

I dont know if im writing in the right place, would like some help from other people dealing with unexpected suicide. victim, oh god hate to say that, was my brother inlaw, wife was my best friend at one time. my husband is dealing but not,my kids are dealing but not. my job as a wife and a mother is to fix everything. but its so hard. please help

[georgiapeaches]

Hi Kat, I'm so sorry for your loss, there has been so many here like you having to deal with losses like yours and there are no answers. You wont be able to take this on yourself, you and your family are probably going to need to see a therepist to understand all of this. But as far as support we can always be here for you, I am from the main page if you would come back and post there, there alot of caring people there who are going through the same pain that you are including myself. My prayers are with you.

Georgia.

[sevenofwands]

I agree entirely with what Georgia has just said.  You will need help and support.  I am so very sorry for your loss.  No one is expect to shoulder everything..
All the best
Seven

[Luvinmike]

So very sorry Kat, for you, your husband, your brother-in-law's wife, and your children. And of course the many others affected by the unexpected death of your brother-in-law.
 How sad and difficult to accept, to communicate with the children, and to help each other now. Please know that you do not need to fix everything. I thought that way and pretty much collapsed, still fight the urge to run myself down making sure everyone else has what they need. You must care for yourself and be allowed to grieve. Sometimes stepping back and doing nothing, sometimes stepping in and doing something. Just try to go slowly if you can.
I hope you will all find some peace bit by bit in the days to come. You are in my prayers. Terri

[Egggirl]

Hi Kat,

My husband Brian committed suicide one month ago. I am so sorry about your brother. I would never wish this experience on anybody.

You don't say when this happened, but here is how I've gotten through the last four weeks:
* Letting people take care of me and also telling them when I need to be left alone.
* Talking about it, about him, about my feelings whenever they come up. My family has been excellent about being ready and willing for anything. They haven't had to be strong, either. It's been good for me to see them cry and get angry, too.
* Sleeping with the light on and a book at the ready. (Lots of Harry Potter.)
* Staying at my parents' house.
* Watching really harmless movies, like Annie and American Girls movies, and also all the Harry Potters (after a couple of weeks).
* Letting other people help me make decisions.
* Believing people, especially experts, when they say that it was not my fault.
* Not pushing anything. Trying to just do one thing a day, even if it's just a shower, or giving up a shower to go to the library.

I have read a couple of good books, including "Healing After the Suicide of a Loved One" by Ann Smolin and John Guinan. Another one is "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye" by Brook Noel. That one talks about how the first few weeks you should treat yourself like you're in intensive care, like you've just had major surgery.

This has got to be horrible for you, trying to take care of everyone but also feeling your own grief. I am so sorry.

Jenny

[Jeanneb]

Kat,

I am so sorry for your loss but so glad that you found us.

As you are able please come back and post... maybe go to the main board where there are many who walk this journey with you.  You will find many loving caring people who truly understand.

Again, I am just so very very sorry for your loss.

Jeanne
Philip's mom forever
Bruce's sister

[lgespinoza]

HI, I am very sorry for your loss.  I lost a very close friend on July 5, 2008.  He was just 17 when he decided that it was his time to leave.  It is not easy, I found myself not knowing how to help my sister, his family, my family.  I was always the strong one that knew exactly what to do to make things better, and when this happened I had no answers, I was lost.  I finally understood that in order for me to help everyone through this I had to first help myself.

I started helping myself by logging on this page.  Every time I needed to talk I would log on and type everything I had in mind, and it really worked.  If I wanted to cry I would cry, you have to talk about how you are feeling.  I recommend the book No Time To Say Good Bye, I forgot the author, but it is listed on this web.  That book helped me understand many things.  I read articles on suicide I used to be ashamed to tell people that he commited suicide, because I was so afraid of what they might think of Jeff.  I am not anymore.  If you feel that there is people around you that are making just dumb comments of the suicide, I strongly suggest you stay away until you are ready to confront them.  I was surrounded by many ignorant people that didnn't help me feel better, they made me mad.  I stayed away, like I said I read books articles, went onilne and I became more aware of the true meaning of suicide and that prepared me to face that ignorance.  I am not ashamed.

I also suggest you find a survivors of suicide group.  It is always better to talk to someone that has gone through the same situation you have.  This is a long road.  It has been almost 7 months for us, and there r days in which we would rather stay locked in our rooms and cry.  I think that we will always have those days, we just have to be strong.  Our loved ones decided to go before us, and yes they left us in great pain, now they are looking over us and we have to show them how much we love them by not falling apart.