My husband, four weeks ago

[Egggirl]

My darling husband of six years, Brian, took his own life on December 17 or 18. We don't even know when for sure, because I had moved out a few days earlier. I loved him so much and didn't want to leave but he was an alcoholic and I had set a bottom line and had to stick to it, for both of us, I thought. I don't even have a death certificate for him yet because the toxicology tests for cause of death will take several weeks.

I am so, so, so, so sad. My Brian is gone. Forever. He will never have the chance to do all these cool things he wanted to do, like open a restaurant, train Manny as a therapy dog, or be a dad. He will never get sober and hold me again. Laugh. Funny commercials hurt me now, because I've realized we always used to laugh at them together. Weird.

I have not even seen his wedding ring yet. My dad is holding it for me until I feel I'm ready.

So sad, so sad, so sad, and so tired. 

[Judy, Dougie's Mom]

I am so very sorry for your loss and welcome you to this website where there is comfort and understanding.

I am Judy from the child loss board and have been on this journey for almost 5 years.

Be very gentle with yourself, these first weeks we are running on raw nerves and nothing makes sense.  I think at this point we are all still in shock. Remember to deep breath.

Sending you strength for this moment and the next and the next.

Hugs
Judy

"MAKANA LIVES"
forever in my heart

[Luvinmike]

Thinking of you egggirl, so sad and tired, we are walking alongside you. I thought I knew tiredness until this grief ( i lost my husband suddenly also). I have always worked alot, taking care of kids and a disabled parent, but nothing compared to this grief. The only thing that helped was trying to preserve my health= water, walking, journal writing, and calling people who could handle it and just rambling on to them. Or the live chat, doctor, therapist, Priest, other widows, this site and anyone who will listen. We are all so sorry.
One breath at a time. Terri

[Egggirl]

Thank you, ladies. It seems strange that since everybody dies, why should this be soooo darn painful?

[grainofsand]

Egggirl~

That is such a good point! So darn painful.
It is just so difficult to accept the 'forever' part. 

I am so sorry to hear of your husband Brian.  My heart goes out to you.
You are part of us now...in our family.  I am sorry you had to arrive in
such a painful fashion.  We are always here when you need someone.

[georgiapeaches]

Dear egggirl,
It is so sad and so very painful for you, so very sorry for your loss. Its funny the first thing I sad before they took my husband out was that I wanted his wedding band, how we want those small little things to hold onto, to grasp onto. I'm glad you have yours. Your not alone.

Georgia.