Why is n't it ok

[the little Brother]

Well the holidays are past. I feel a little better now. I still miss my big brother but the extreme loss and emotions have subsided. Does this mean I am loosing him again? My wife does not think I should go out to his grave, I am a little bitter about her lack of support. She said I should concentrate on my family that is alive. I told her this is my way of healing. That has been waying heavy on my mind. I know she loves me and wants the best for me, but that realy hurt to hear her not support me. I told her how I fealt and nothing came of it, again she said that I need to concentrate on my family that is alive. I told her that I felt close to him when I go out there. I haden't been to his grave in almost 6 years untill a month ago. I am torn between going out there to his grave and not upsetting my wife. what a delema.

[Luvinmike]

little brother- Hugs and prayers as you grow through this time with your wife. Why not both is my answer to your question. Why not visit your brother , your dear beloved old friend; and focus on your living family. Let one feed the other. Maybe grieving for your brother and reflecting on life's mysteries, you may feel more love for your friends and family. You may choose to spend your time in ways that make you feel good about yourself. Whatever steps you take, you should expect mistakes and low times, but also joy and truth in what is your life, your history and your choices. It is really up to you. Wishing you peace and comfort, and hoping you make your relationship with your wife a priority as your relationship can become better over the years and if not try couples therapy or a special trip together. Terri

[georgiapeaches]

Little Brother,
I agree with Terri, why not do both, you need to heal and you of course need your family. Just explain that going to your brothers grave helps you heal. It has to be hard for you, I'm so sorry. Good luck to you and your family.

Georgia.

[Jeanneb]

Little Brother,

I have to say I agree here... why can't you do both??

I'm not sure this should be an either or thing.  Does sound like something you guys need to sit down and talk about a little more.

I use to go to my brother's grave and talk with him all the time.  This just made me feel better and I'm sure I'm not the only one that has ever done this.  While on the otherhand, going to my son's grave just about reaps my heart out and I find no peace in going there at all and rarely do.

For me it is just something I've done and never actually discussed too much with hubby, I just go and sometimes I'll talk to hubby about it but once I started thinking about this found I rarely ever said anything to him about it.  It is just something that I needed to do for me.

I hope you can find a little peace on this journey.

Jeanne
Philip's mom forever
Bruce's sister

[Judy, Dougie's Mom]

I too agree.....do both.

We do what we have to do to heal.  Your grief is your journey, between you and your brother and we all grieve differently.  I remember my son saying to me........
"but I am still here Mom"......that was huge and we both learned to grieve together but separately.  He had lost his brother and his Mom.  Maybe your wife is afraid to lose you....just a thought.

If your family is getting all of you when you are with them, then your borther will get all of you when you are with him.

I hope you find your soft place to land.

Judy

"MAKANA LVIES"
forever in my heart

[the little Brother]

Thanks everyone for your kind words.