Pain and Low Self Esteem

[squared]

Im not very happy with my life. Though I have enough, I still have insecurities. Im just an average person. Sometimes it really hurts deep inside when someone is comparing to others. Someone is like this and im not like that financially, physically and mentally. Sometimes I wonder if I have a purpose here on earth. If someone is saying bad things about me, I just smile and say it's ok but deep inside I'm bleeding. Whenever I see people who looks good and dress good, I feel insecure. Whenever I told them some stories, they dont listen and it hurts deep inside coz I can see it that they're rejecting me. I feel like they doesnt value my worth or in other words, im just nothing to them. Some people easily gets bored with me. Though i dont have the nice clothes but Im trying to be presentable. My brother always teases me whenever I wear something that he doesnt like. I dont even have a bestfriend. I really want to have one but it seems that I cant find one. I dont really have lots of friends. Whenever I go out, I go out alone and I get jealous to some people who have friends whenever they go out.  I may not have a car, i may not have everything but that doesnt mean im bad.

Its really killing me inside. HELP 

[sevenofwands]

Dear Squared:

I am sorry to hear you are having these feelings, and there is no reason why you should put up with being compared to another person or other persons.  Likewise, no one should be allowed to say bad things about you, and less so should you smile as if it is all right for them to abuse you in that manner.   In essence, Squared, other people's opinions do not matter a jot.  You are you, with your talents and positive aspects. You are as good and probably better than the people who seem to think it is acceptable to treat you like this.
You might find it helpful, through a good therapist, to find a group to join.

Meantime, I found this:

Things You Can Do Now to Raise Your Self Esteem:
Pay attention to your own needs and wants.
Take very good care of yourself.
Eat healthy foods and avoid junk foods.
Exercise. Arrange a time every day or as often as possible when you can get some exercise.
Do personal hygiene tasks that make you feel better about yourself.
Take time to do things you enjoy everyday.
Get something done that you have been putting off.
Do things that make use of your own special talents and abilities.
Dress in clothes that make you feel good about yourself.
Give yourself rewards.
Spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself-people who treat you well. Avoid people who treat you badly.
Make your living space a place that honors the person you are. Display items that you find attractive or that remind you of your achievements or of special times or people in your life.
Make your meals a special time. If you eat with others, encourage discussion of pleasant topics. Avoid discussing difficult issues at meals.
Take advantage of opportunities to learn something new or improve your skills.
Begin doing those things that you know will make you feel better about yourself - like eating more healthily, deciding to exercise daily, or reducing clutter.
Do something nice for another person. Smile at someone who looks sad. Say a few kind words to the check-out cashier. Help your spouse with an unpleasant chore. Take a meal to a friend who is sick. Send a card to an acquaintance. Volunteer for a worthy organization.
Make it a point to treat yourself well every day. Before you go to bed each night, write about how you treated yourself well during the day.
From the United States Department of Health and Human Services, For the full text: http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/publications/allpubs/sma-3715/things.asp

Best wishes
Seven

[laurenE]

And never ever compare yourself to other people.    because if you do,  you will either feel better than someone else,  or less than.   For example.....

There will ALWAYS be someone out there prettier,  skinnier, richer,  than you (or me or anyone).   So whenever you compare yourself to them,  how do you think you will feel??    Less than them,  ugly,  fat,  poor,  etc.   

There will ALWAYS be someone out there less attractive than you,  fatter than you,  poorer than you,  have an older house or car than you etc.   Now how do you think you will feel if you compare yourself to these folks?    You will find yourself acting and feeling BETTER than they are,  superior, eventually stuck up  and you know what?  You're not any better than them just b/c of what you do or dont have and what you look like.   

So as you can see,  comparing yourself to anyone, whether better off or less fortunate,   is harmful to you.   

Make a list of the things you do like about yourself,  I dont care how simple they are....    I like my eyes,  I like my taste in decorating,  I like that I remember friends bdays,  I like my hair color,  I like my purple tennis shoes, etc etc.   

And every day I want you to look at that list,  first thing in the morning,   and last thing before bed.    Because what you focus on   daily WILL change your mood and thus your self esteem.     

 Keep focusing on the negative things about yourself "I'm fat,  I hate my hair color etc"  and  you will never be happy or will never like yourself.  If you focus on the negative,  you will be depressed.  guranteed. 

keep writing out your feelings instead of bottling them up. 

[i12thrive]

squared,
You are a worthy human being just because you exist. I bet there are lots of likable things about you. Sometimes, we forget them, or we need to build our awareness of them.
Don't give up. You're worth it!

12thrive

[I just want to die]

Hi,

I'm Kelly.  First of all my darlin, friends are not easy to find, I dont have any either.  You are obviously wise and are selective on who you choose, thats a good thing.    But on this site we are here for you when you want as friends, however to have friends you have to introduce yourself.  Now if you wish to remain unknown thats Ok too, but what would you like me to call you my friend?  I dont know if you are a male or female and again you dont have to say but Im a female, and if I can give you girl advice --  Im pretty good at it!  Now are you upset because you have no friends or no girlfriend/boyfriend?    I have none of the above myself and I am lonley too.  But your time will come when you have many friends, trust me.  And if you feel you are different,  - - listen different is good - real good.  All those movie stars, before they were famous everyone thought they were different - look at them now.    I like that kind of different!!!!  Now the low self-esteem,  I am the queen of it!  I even make jokes about myself in front of people so they wont - thats bad  - I know - but eases pain.  So I know what you feel.  So if you want let me know what bothers you and I'd love to help.    Be easy, honey,


Kelly

[ashley brook]

my dear squared  you are special just for being human if everyone wasn't different we would all be clones and who would want that i dont know your age  so it is a little hard to give sugestions as long as your clothes are clean and neat  around here it is real popular to buy from a thrift store   volenteer at a local hospital or a nursing home the elderly usually dont have much company and would love for some one to come talk to them play a game or just visit aslo the assisted living homes nothing can make a person feel better about themselves  like helping someone and they would be so grateful and it would build up your self esteme

[slippingaway]

Hey squared! I know what you're talking about. Even though I'm probably younger, I still experienced what you are feeling. I had no friends whatsoever in Primary School. Boys and Girls treated me as if I was an alien from another planet, not girly enough to hang out with the other girls and too boyish to hang out with the boys. I spent most of my time, hiding in the school's toilets crying, in the car crying to my mum. I went through counselling and it did nothing except make me feel like a complete idiot. No one wanted to hear my stories or opinions. I was bullied physically as well as mentally and was tempted to change schools.

Then came High School. It was the first day and everyone else was nervous. At lunchtime, I knew no one and just sat by myself. Then, a group of seven girls wanted me to join them. I was so happy! As time passed, I made more and more friends until we have a group of 22 people who value me for who I am and THAT has made up for all 7 years of misery that I have gone through. Everyone listens to each others stories and we laugh and have fun. There is always someone that you can go to.

So...my advice is...don't worry, be patient because some good will come soon and it will make up for the misery you are suffering now I assure you. Also, stick with who you are. You shouldn't care about what your brother thinks about your outfit. You are who you are. You can try and change the way you are by putting on the "right" clothes but I'm sure that won't make a difference. It's their loss to not be friends with the beautiful person you are. Wherever you are, just grab someone new and talk to them, it may be awkward but it'll be really rewarding.
Don't sit in silence. No one will notice that you are suffering unless you tell them. Speak up, Speak out and it WILL get better.

Natasha