New and finding it hard to deal with her being gone

[horsepreacher]

I am new here just found you. I don't even know what i am looking for my wife and friend died Dec. 17 2007 an have allienated my self from just about everyone we knew i hurt and cent get it under control i still work and over all function some what as normal just wanting to hear what others have been doing to get the hurt under  control please tell what you havae done still angry

[georgiapeaches]

Hi horsepreacher, so sorry about your wife. Alot of people write journals to help get things off their chest, any feelings you may have, I know when I am upset I just come to this site and write, doesnt matter how upset I am usually after I am done venting I feel alittle better. I get very angry everynow and then, usally alot more than not, because of my husband passing so suddenly, its just not fair. I feel like me and my kids got cheated, its just the 4 of us now and pretty much everyone turned their back on us. Everything has change so dramatically, so I know how you feel. I try not to allienate myself from people even if I'm not in the mood to do things I force myself just so I dont do that. I really hope you can come back here and try to talk with some people and maybe feel more at ease with your feelings. Prayers for you and your family.

Georgia.

[Luvinmike]

Dear Horsepreacher, I am also sorry for your loss and grief. Please write on the Main board as you are able to. Tell us about your wife. Everyone here cares and understands. Somehow we have to figure out how to carry on even though we miss our partners so much. Thinking of you. Terri

[Jeanneb]

Welcome to the board.

I'm so very sorry for your loss but so glad that you found the board.  There are many people who are traveling this journey with you and know how you feel.

As already suggested journaling can be really good for letting out your feelings.  You might also try something creative... something that gets you away from that analytical brain and lets you also get out some energy.  Anything from gardening, woodworking, photography, just some way of putting your energy into something that also keeps your brain occupied with something completely different.

Of course also use to just sit in the car and scream my lungs out and beat on the steering wheel... you just have to get some of it out and just about any way is ok.  Also realize you are entitled to your feelings and they are absolutely normal... all apart of the grief journey.

Keep coming back reading, posting and knowing you have those who walk with you.

Jeanne
Philip's mom forever
Bruce's sister

[Karen Paul]

horsepreacher

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your wife. Grief is very isolating I find, especially in the beginning - it is too painful and draws us inward. Perhaps you have not alienated everyone but merely pushed them away for a while - I would hope if you were ready to reach out to them, they would still be there for you - perhaps they just do not know how.

I know that men sometimes grieve very differently from women also- I know when my nephew died I was very frustrated and scared by the way my brother (Chris' dad) was dealing (or in my mind, not dealing) with his grief. It took me a couple of years to understand that his way was as valid as any other and that his need to be alone was his way of coping. At first it frightened me because I was afraid he would hurt himself to try to be with his son - I know he wanted to go so badly - but he told me would not and I had to believe him.

It has taken years for him to be able to "talk" like I wanted him to from the beginning. Take your time - move in your own grief - you will know what is right for you.

luv and hugs, karen
Chris' aunt

[horsepreacher]

Everyone just wanted to say thanks. It is hard to put words to what i feel most days but I am catching on to the fact I can just go on like nothing happened. All and its no exegeration of Carla's ( my best friend and wife ) have turned there backs to the girls and I but like one of you said everyone deals differently. I have lots of hobbies that I do horses motorcycles my girls and my job. and i even just tried another lovely lady in my life and man have i ever hurt them this last year/. seems like just going on has just darkened the sky.With Carla gone my faith the faith that lead me to preach and be an evagelist has even been racked to the point i don't even talk about that any more. I just can't seem to find what was once there its not that I don't believe in who God Christ and the Holy Ghost are I don't want any one else to feel what we have thank you again and I will be back soon just don.t know what I will be thinking then