I don't know how not to be fearful

[addiesmom]

  My addilynn rose went to sleep on April 24th and never woke up. She was just a baby. When my husband woke me up only four hours after she had fallen asleep she was cold and not breathing.  We have another child and I am constantly fearing that she too will not wake up. Sometimes I can't sleep because I am worried that she isn't breathing. So I will check on her repeatedly. I have even woken up and shouted she isnt breathing. I don't know how to not fear this or sleep at night.

[grainofsand]

addiesmom~

I am so glad you got addie's picture up!! She is just so beautiful.
Thank you for sharing her with us.  Now I know who we talk about in chat.

It is quite normal to have the feeling that another shoe is going to drop after such a traumatic loss.  How can you not feel that way?  I hope someone that has experience with SIDS will be able to give you some insight as to how they dealt with this feeling.

I send you my ((hugs)) to you and your husband. One foot in front of the other is all we can do sometimes. Hope to see you in chat again soon.

[Rebecca]

What a sweetheart.  SIDS is so awful because it is a baby and you don't know why.  Just one of those medical questions.  How old is your other child?  We lost our son Jason at 31 years of age from  a heart attack.  These days for me are getting worse on the inside and better on the outside.  The pain hurts and that's all there is to it.  There is a hugh discrepenancy in the ages of our children  but losing a child has no age.  I am hoping that you and your husband get the love and help you need.  Stay on here and mom of SIDS babies will help.  I can remember several Mom's of Sids babies here when I first came on who probably still read occassionally but have had more children and not as much time to respond on here.  I hope they come back now to help you.  If they don't the rest of us will be here to help you know that your feelings are never wrong and when anyone says to you"  U have another child"  Just know they are not being intentionally hurtful, they just don't know.
Rebecca Jason's Mom

[tsoley]

Oh, she is so beautiful! I am sure you are afraid and I think that is normal. Take deep breaths, pray, and give it to God. He is in control.

[Judy, Dougie's Mom]

I am so so sorry for the loss of your beautiful girl and Thank you for sharing her with us.

I would also like to welcome you to our board, it saddens me that you are here but I am glad you found us....there is comfort and understanding here, we all walk this road together.

I lost my son almost 5 years ago and had severe panic attacks for at least 2 years.  I was so fearful of losing my other son and I still am, it's just not as severe now.  I think this is something that will always be with us,  it's a concern that is so deep inside us but we do learn to walk with it and not against it.

This journey is one moment at a time.  Hold on tight.

Sending strength and hugs
Love
Judy

"MAKANA LIVES"
forever in my heart

[Penny - Sean's Mom]

Your daughter is beyond beautiful.  Thank you so much for sharing her photo with us.

I am so sorry for the reason you found us, but glad you did.  On my journey with grief I have found this board to be a very gentle place to fall when I need to.

It's so normal to be fearful of other losses.  My younger son had to deal with many middle of the night phone calls, and my hubby dealt with my tears and fears when I hadn't heard from my youngest when I thought I should have.  We have experienced the greatest loss - our precious child.  Of course we are scared.  This journey takes us into the unknown.

Please share more of your beautiful daughter when you are able.  I'm looking forward to knowing her.

Wishing you peace....

Penny

[Paula Bruckner]

((AddiesMom) I feel your fear. It is so understandable. My brother-in-law & sister-in-law lost their beautiful angel to SIDS over 30 years ago. When they had a baby a few years later they came home with medical equipment to detect if their baby was breathing. When the baby went to have a BM or moved in such a way that the sensors were no longer secure the alarms would go off. They were constantly hearing the alarms and ultimately removed them. No one else in their family or ours in the extended family ever suffered a loss due to SIDS again. Being that it happened to one of us in the family each one of us were fearful that it could happen to us. My brother-in-law & sister-in-law found a lot of solace in their faith.
This forum is a safe place to talk about your fears and all of your feelings. I am a firm believer in support groups and individual therapy. Have you tried The Compassionate Friends, Hospice and berevement counseling? I have found a lifeline within these three plus this forum. I have found some peace in exploring my spirituality.
Anytime you wish to talk, ask questions please reach out. There are numerous, caring arms to catch you, strong shoulders to lean on and compassionate loving ears to listen.

[Brenda Taylors Mom]

Addie is beautiful. The fear is so understandable.  Sending my love, Brenda

[Terry]

What a beautiful name, Addilynn Rose and how beautiful she was, too.

I am so sorry she is no longer here with you. And I feel that your fear is understandable.

Of course you're being very cautious with your new baby. That is such a natural feeling after suffering such a tragic loss.
Anything you're feeling is the result of your deep pain.
 
I lost my oldest son, my only surviving child Jeff, almost 6 years ago. He would be 35 this February. And he has a daughter, my only Grand Child, and I too, felt a lot of anxiety for a long time and fear that something would happen to her.

The fear is not as great today, but I do worry about her. Especially when she travels.

I really appreciate your sharing your beautiful baby girl, Addilynn Rose here. I know how difficult it is and it is also so important to be amongst others who understand the indescribable pain of losing a child.

One day at a time and sometimes...one second at a time.

((((((((Addie's Mom))))))))

Holding you close with love and understanding...Terry

[addiesmom]

   Thank you for all your support it means so much.  My other daughter is 4. We haven't gotten to the point yet where we might have another child. I wanted so much for Gabby to have a sibling. I just don't know if I can get through the infancy of another baby.