Hi, new to the board

[mother76]

I lost my dad to colon cancer two years ago and since then it seems that the rest of my family has really fallen apart. I think that I have dealt with his death okay, I'm sure I could be doing better. It would probably be better to be more open with my kids about it but it is in my nature to be somewhat private with my pain. I have two sons who were very, very close to my dad and with him gone and the rest of the family 'falling apart' they no longer have a strong male role model in their lives.
I was able to be with my dad when he died and i tried to help him die by encouraging him and telling him that i thought he would be really good at it and that we would all be okay and that he would be going to a better place. We are not all okay, though! My older brother has completely lost it since the death. He has become violent and has been arrested for assault with a deadly weapon (against his ex-girlfriend and her family, children included). I've had to cut him out of my life the best I can living in a small town. My children have a lot of uncle's and even without their beloved Papa and without my older brother ( who never was a great guy but I never dreamed he would do what he has done) I thought at least they still had these other uncles who are good people. I've recently found out how wrong I was, two of their other uncle's have been arrested for sex crimes. It is so hard to believe that these people I've thought that I knew- now I realize that I do not know them at all. I often ask myself, "What would my dad do?" 
My dad was truly a great guy. The most important lesson he taught me was to laugh. He even joked about his cancer. But some things are just too ugly to find anything to laugh about. My dad always told me that the hard things in life would make me stronger but at this point I fear that they are only making me callous. I think it's time to take my kids and find a new family somewhere else, to 'start over'. The support system that I thought I had here has really crumbled. These are the things that have kept me hiding under my covers for the last three days, tomorrow I will 'pull myself up by my boot straps' and get back to work.
My dad was The Guy to go to with any problem. he had such a way of putting things in perspective and making you feel better about the world. All kinds of people called or knocked at his door at all hours just for these pep talks. Since his death I have come to believe in our life experience in a whole new way, a way that is positive and calming. And yet, I often feel like i didn't cry enough for him. I wonder if i really grieved properly or allowed my kids to- and now I am 'grieving' the loss of this family that I thought I knew and turns out I didn't know. I'm confused and not sure where to go from here. I never in my wildest dreams could have imagined everything that has happened. Not in my family!
My mother has never been a very stable person and has just gone through divorce #4. It's scary (even as a so-called grown-up) to lose a parent and suddenly feel like you're the end of the line. My dad was only 54 and I've sort of resigned myself to the idea that I will probably die young, too. I'm an underpaid single mother with only some college education so moving is a scary thought. At this point, though, I don't feel that i have much to lose but possibly a lot to gain.
Thank you anonymous internet people for listening to me ramble, I appreciate any thoughts or suggestions you might have.

[georgiapeaches]

Hi mother 76
I'm sorry for the loss of your dad, and all the trouble your having, I just lost my mom to colon cancer also. It seems alot of families run into alot of trouble while grieving, people jsut cant handle it. Maybe you should think about it more before you move. I did alot of things right after my husband died  and I had to go back and fix them when I came out of my fog because they were very hasty decisions. They say to wait atleast a year after a death before you move, I dontknow if thats true, just what I heard. But because I knew I was introuble financially, I made real hasty decisions and I regret them. Give it sometime. Give yourself sometime to grieve. All the other bad things that other people are doing are not your fault. Your in my prayers.

Georgia.

[Karen Paul]

Mother76

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. It is clear you have a very special relationship with him that will live on forever. Grief takes time and a an enormous amount of energy. And sometimes when there are other things going on it does get delayed or put aside for a while  - but the thing about grief is that it works in its own time - you have had so much going on with other family members and taking care of your own kids it is very possible you haven't allowed yourself to really grieve the loss of your dad.. don't be too hard on yourself -

I do agree with Georgia that moving is a big step - only you can decide if that might be right for you and your family - but grief doesn't care where you live, it follows us wherever we go because it resides in our hearts.. though sometimes I do think breaking away from destructive people in our lives can be helpful..

I hope you will find this board a safe place to share and vent.. only you can find your way through because each path is different.. but here you will find understanding of grief and all that loss entails and perhaps some hope for the future and ways to remember your sweet dad in your life..

hugs,
Karen
Chris' aunt