My mother, my best friend

[rhhaley]

Hello.  My name is Helen. I'm writing this because I can't hold it in anymore.  My mother Rosa passed away on December 7th, 2007 at 10:30 am.
She was MY best friend,my guardian, the person who loved me most in the world.  I will never feel the same kind of love I felt from her and I don't know if I'll ever be able to feel that kind ofr love for anyone.  My mother found out in september she had stage 3 ovarian cancer.  She was 62.  My Grandmother was ill at the time and in the hospital.  My grandmother  had lived with my mother all of my mothers life except for six years when she was married to her first husband, my brothers father.  My grandmother recovered and we were all relieved until we found out the news about my mother.  My mothr had surgery to remove the cancer.  It was very hard on her body and not very succesful.  While my mother was in the hospital my grandmother became sick again. She went back  into the hospital.  The same one my mother was in two floors below her.  My mother was on morphine and was not in the state of mind or body to be able to visit my grandmother.  My grandmother, my mothers mother died on october 4th,2007. A day before her own 81st birthday.  My mother was completely devastated.  My mother helped plan her funeral with the help of my Aunt, her sister.  My mother never talked of recovery after the day of her funeral.  Her heart was broken and I could hear it in her voice that she had given up.  My mother came back home for six weeks until she went back into the hospital.  She never came home.  She died eight weeks after her own mother.  I know my mother felt the devastation I feel.  The only thing that keeps me going  is the love of my three children.  Life would be unbearable without them. I just wanted to let this out because I don't have many people to speak to. Mom  and Iya, I know you are with me, but I miss you. I'm glad your bodies are whole in heaven. Watch over my children and I. I'll wait until we can be together again.  I love you both. Love Helen

[OliverWendyHolmes]

Helen - I'm so sorry for your loss.  My mother also had stage 3 ovarian cancer - she died on July 3rd of this year.  She too was diagnosed while her mother was in the hospital being treated for cancer.  My grandmother is still holding on, though the loss of her only daughter has been devastating to her.  I'm new to posting here ... it has been almost 5 months & I'm just starting to stop feeling numb and maybe thinking I'm ready to start the grieving process.  Like you my mother was my very best friend - the only person in the world that really cared for me unselfishly.  Maybe we can chat sometime.

[missnmom]

Helen,  I loved the title of your post....your mother, your best friend.  This closeness brings a special pain that seems unbearable.  Mine too was my best friend.  Just 2 months ago, she was calling me to day "Hi honey, just called to hear your voice".  That is something that is just unmatched....our mother's love.  I just wanted you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you right now.  My heart goes out to you and now I know what your pain must feel like. I pray we all come out of this, at some point, stronger and closer to our loved ones.

[katie livingston]

Dear Helen, My heart goes out to you about your Mother, your best friend.  I too lost my Mom, 9 years ago this month, and I still have urges to pick up the phone and tell her something, ask her something.  I talk to her several times a week, her impressions on me continue, long after her body ceased to support life  When she did die, in my and my sisters arms, it seemd like she left her body and went right through mine.......  The relationship with a deceased parent does not end with body death.  Have you talked with your mom lately?  I know that I do not hear her responses with my ears, but I have a knowingness that is instillled from her in my conversation that sure seems like a response.  It is also a rapid response.  I can not change the pain for you, however, I can acknowledge it and be with this with you.  Your mother is a precious being and valuing her is a worthy feeling.  Bleesings and best wishes, Katie

[georgiapeaches]

Hi Helen, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom on november 2 of this year just 7 months after my husband passed away. I feel like I lost my whole world. Like you I have just my three kids. The wonderful people on this site have also kept me going, they are such good friends to me, such great support. I hope you will come back and talk with us whenever you need to. Your in my prayers.

Georgia.

[Jeanneb]

Helen,

I am so very sorry for your losses... it all just seems to move... too fast.

I am glad that you have found us and so glad that you posted.  There are many understanding, caring people here who walk this journey of grief.

This site has helped me and I hope will help you as well.

Hold on tight,
Jeanne
Philip's mom forever
Bruce's sister

[rhhaley]

Thank you everyone that replied.  December was a difficult month for me as it was the 1st anniversaries of my mother and grandmothers deaths.  It was hard to even come back to the site to read the words I had posted.  Reading your replies, I finally felt that there were people that truly understood.  I could have written those replies myself.  Thank you all for taking the time. I feel somehow vindicated, for lack of a better word.  Maybe I'm not crazy for feeling this way.  If there are others who feel the way I do then maybe I am healing, even though it doesn't feel like it at this moment. Thank you again.  I'm beginning to think there just might be a light at the end of this tunnel.

[tsurandy]

rhhaley may God Bless You and may you find some peace.  The death of our mothers can be very traumatic, especially when the bond is one that is strong.  I too lost my mother.  My Mama was my life, my best friend, my confidant, and the person I loved most.  I understand, and I know what you are going through.  I will never recover from the death of my mother.  We had shared our house for the past ten years, we depended on one another.  Hang in there, I can't promise it gets easier, for me it hasn't.  I keep going though because it is what she would have wanted.