how do I start healing

[lost in kansas]

I lost my husband of 23 years in a motorcycle accident two years ago.  Although I've tried on my own to learn to live with his loss, I find it's getting harder to do.  I guess I blame myself for his death, at approx. the same time of his death I tried to call his cell phone.  He didn't answer and I've tried to tell myself that he wouldn't while driving the bike but down inside I wonder if my attempted call distracted him.  This was a three wheel trike he was building and he wasn't totally sure of it's reliability.  He was an experienced rider and I pray I'm wrong in my concerns.  I guess I've made myself ill during this time but I can't bring myself to talk to the kids about it.  Any suggestions.   Thanks, Karen

[Luvinmike]

Dear Lost in Kansas,
So sorry, so sorry for your pain. This is not something you did or didn't do. Period. Everyone has their own ways of dealing w/ the big questions like why are we here? And why did he die? Some people have strong faith and ideas, but mostly we have to become comfortable with not having solid answers, just what we feel or hope, or believe. One thing though is you do not control it all. That helped me and I hope it helps you. Thinking of you and wishing you some much deserved peace. I miss my husband too. Write on the Main board when you can. Terri

[thumper65]

Oh Karen, I don't know the answers to this dear. BUT...you need to forgive yourself. If you don't you will never move on. My heart and prayers go out to you. I lost my sister this past Saturday. She was only 45. She was the closest person to me and I can't even imagine how to go on. I only wish I had gotten to her sooner. By the time I found her she had been gone about 4 hours. I think my heart is literally broken. I'm hoping that by finding people to talk to on here will help. Nobody has answered me yet though. I don't know how often people come on ehere. Bless you dear. I hope you get through this.