My wifes affair

[James8888]

   Last week my wife told me that she had love affair that lasted for 18 months. It ended 2 years ago she told me. She fell inlove with him and decided to sleep with him. During the 18 months she plan to leave me for him, he wanted to marry her. All this time I had no clue this was going on. because I away for long periods at the time, they would spend the weekend together, they became a couple.
   She ended it she said, for me. But I really beleave it was for our son to remain happy.
   It hurts so-much that I cannot work, sleep or eat, Iam crying all the time. The doctor has put me on happy pills ( they dont make me happy ).
   I don't know what to do or where to turn. I love her, for 22 years I have loved her.

[sevenofwands]

Hello James:

This is not an easy time for you, at all.  It must have been such a shock to make these discoveries, and I am not surprised you are traumatised.  Personally, I am not so sure about the wisdom of people making these disclosures to their spouse.
I think you and she have an awful lot of work ahead of you, and I also think you will need third party help in this, in the form of a counsellor.  A lot needs to be talked about, trust needs to be built again, very slowly, love needs to be nurtured again.  You love your wife, and I expect that despite what happened she loves you too. 
So, do please seek help for you both, and get everything out into the open.  It is so important not to let resentment and rancour build up.

Take care
Seven

[laurenE]

James,

You are in a tough situation for sure.  I hope that you will find someone to help you decide what to do.  Perhaps a pastor or counselor would be a good place to start to help you sort out the confusiing feelings and the pain you must be going through.   If the two of you want to work it out,  then marriage counseling should be attempted as well.   

I wish you well and hope that she is not cruel to you

lauren

[sevenofwands]

James:

I located this book.  It might be of additional help to you.

Wishing you the best
Seven


After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful (Paperback)
by Janis Abrahms Spring (Author),

The book description is:

"For married or cohabiting couples who want to rebuild their relationship after one partner had had an affair, this tough-minded, insightful manual will be eminently practical. Clinical psychologist Spring, writing with her husband, draws on 20 years of experience treating distressed couples as she explains how both the unfaithful partner and the betrayed one can confront their doubts and fears about recommitting, constructively communicate pain and anger, restore trust, renew sexual intimacy and forgive. In jargon-free prose, she urges both partners to probe the deeper meaning of the affair, to explore why it happened and to accept responsibility for it. Recognizing unstated assumptions held by oneself or one's mate is an integral part of this process, and the authors include exercises, concise case studies and checklists of suggestions to guide readers through the difficult task of healing. This wise book fills a gap on the self-help shelf. "