Lost my husband...don't know what to do with myself

[vikbrn]

I lost my husband of 10 years to brain cancer in March.  It's been 7 months now and I still refer to him in the present tense.  I can't seem to make myself understand that he is really gone...forever...  I don't think I have allowed myself to grieve the way I should have.  We have 3 kids, 13, 9, and 7 and I just try to keep us all busy so that we don't have to deal with everything I guess.  I have to be strong for them so I feel like I can't express my emotions.  I don't dare let them see me cry because then they get really upset.  The main problem that I have is the EXTREME lonliness.  All of my friends and church family try their best but they just don't understand that it's not a lonliness that a friend can fill.  I stand strong in my faith and I know that God is the only one that can see me through this.  I am very fortunate that I have my faith and I know that God will see me through, my problem I guess is patience.  I keep forgetting that everything comes in His time...not mine.

[Karen Paul]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband! How absolutely sad! And so hard when you have young children to care for, leaving no time for you to care for yourself. Having faith is good, but does not take away the longing, the missing, the hole in your heart..

I am no psychologist, but it seems to me that you may not be fully able to accept that he is gone until you allow yourself to grieve.. is there someone close who could take the kids once in a while so you could have time to cry, to scream and vent and grieve? Your kids may be having alot of feelings that they don't know how to deal with too.. missing their dad so much.. gosh it is so hard..

I hope you can at least find some understanding and comfort here on this site.. I think there are many people on the main board who have lost a spouse.... I found this board about a year after my nephew died. He was killed by a hit and run driver at the age of 16, almost 5 yrs ago. Chris is my brother's only child, the only child in my family since I have none of my own.. it has been a long 5 yrs for all of us.. I have found the people here to be a great comfort and they have allowed me to share my nephew, which I desperately need to do..

I hope you will come back and share more about your sweet husband. And I hope you will find that you can at least have this place as an outlet for some of the feelings you cannot release otherwise..

luv and hugs, Karen
proud aunt of Christopher

[Dwayne]

I too have lost my wife. She was only 45 had a valve with a hole in it and passed all of a sudden. I miss her so much we have 3 children 10,19,18 the youngest is ours together and the other are from a previous marrages. We were married 11 years. We were high school sweet hearts. I have been in love with her since I was 13. We got back together 15 yrs ago.
I do not know how to do this. Its only been 5 weeks. I walk through the house a get the scent of her. Its like walking a great big spray of her scent.

[mother76]

I lost my dad two years ago. At the time my sister was only 12 and my two sons 13 and 11. I could cry and cry for myself but when I thought of the children I would just completely lose it. The weird thing is that my little sis seems to be dealing with his death better than any of us.
On the night he died my sister looked out the window and saw that my two sons were coming in and she knew that they had just been told that Papa was gone (he was like a father to my sons, also) and she took a deep breath and she said, "I have to be strong for the boys." She has given me courage to be strong for all of the kids and she has also showed me that 'the kids' are what will help pull me through this.

I'll be thinking about you...

[horsepreacher]

My heart aches for you and the rest of you family its been yust over a year since I lost my wife best friend and mother of my girls 13 17 19 and yes I know feeling the need to not cry in front of them but if I may be so bold just be sure you do (cry ) i have tried so hard to be the strong man for every one else and not crying has now lead me to uncontrolaable out burst of tears and lots of anger. to the point i am lashing out at the friends who love me say they don't understand and they don't rhey just want to be there when we need them even if its to just lash out .
   my girls need to see i hurt and I miss there mother it seems to help them deal with there own. I am still figuring this whole thing out and It scares me sometimes what runs thru my mind but i am learning to let it run that way it don't come back hang in there and I pray for all of us that we come to terms with our loss even if there is no understanding it .
    Be blessed 

[Luvinmike]

Dear Horsepreacher- you are doing fine with your girls. I have had some really visible times of grief with our three kids and I think it helps them. They then know it is normal to be, "Thinking about Dad."
And in your case, your loving wife. My heart goes out to you in comfort and understanding. Terri

ps- when you first go on webhealing.com, then forums, try to post on the Main board. Need anything- just ask.