Intro

[Moonbeam]

Hello - a friend has told me about the help he has had from this community so I decided to join you.  My husband of 26 years died 13 weeks ago of cancer.  I had known him since I was 15 so he has in effect always been a part of my life and I don't know yet how to function without him.  He was an amazing character, extraordinarily intelligent, clever funny, annoying.  If I had a problem he'd help me fix it.  We didn't have chidren so the two of us were our family and I don't have any other family apart from a very elderly mother.  I am however blessed with very special and caring friends.  Can any of you tell me how I can rebuild my life?  Apart from going to work, I am feel that I am living like a hermit.  I try to accept all the invitations I get as long as I think I can cope with them, although I feel much more comfortable being at home and get a sort of separation anxiety when I am away from it for too long.  I get so tired pretending that I'm OK.  I feel anxious all the time - in fact I think I invent things to worry about.  He can't fix things for me any more, either practical or emotional.  It is Friday today and for the first time in my life I dread weekends.  I guess that this is normal in my position.  I try to fill in the time until I go back to work on Mondays.  I miss my 'real' life with him so much.  I don't sem to cry very much but my chest constantly feels as if my heart has been torn out.  I look forward to hearing from any of you who are kind enough to reply.

[laurenE]

welcome.

i am so glad you have found us.  please continue to post in the Main board for continued support. 

[maria45]

Hello, Moonbeam.  I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.  I lost my husband 8 weeks ago and miss him so badly.  We had been together for 21 years and were best friends.  We moved away from family the day after we got married due to a job transfer.  I always bragged about how good our relationship was because of our distance from family.  It was always just the 2 of us hanging out together.  I also miss my real life and the future that we were looking forward to sharing but I also miss the history that I seemed to have lost.  I often wonder how this happened and am sure that I have done something wrong that must have caused this to happen.  I am crying like crazy now writing this and know that I must not be helping you at all.  I guess I wanted you to know that you are not at all alone in the feelings that you have.  I too hate the weekends.  Could they be more depressing?  They used to be so fun.  Ironically, all of this stress would be so much easier to bear if our wonderful husbands were here by our sides.  Please take care of yourself.  I plan on finding a support group because I think it may help to talk to someone who has gone through this.