Just lost my Mom

[missumom]

Hi, my name is Meredith.

I am 27 years old and my Mom died 2 weeks ago yesterday.
Her death was VERY sudden and unexpected.  She was 54 years old and one of the healthiest people I have ever known!!  She had a heart condition that we all thought to be VERY minor.  It is a relatively common condition that generally does not affect people's lives much at all.  Turns out her case was very severe, and on September 30th, 2008 at around 4:30 pm, her heart stopped and she was gone.
The only solace I take in this is that she did not suffer at all.  She was alive and happy and healthy one minute and then gone the next.  The doctor who performed her autopsy said that her death was instantaneous - that she was most likely gone before she even hit the ground.  He said that patients of his who had experienced this same thing but lived through it described it as a peaceful nap.
I had talked to her on the phone just about an hour or so before she passed...
I was going to come over to her house that evening - I was just waiting for her to call me and let me know that she was home from work.  But she never made it home.  She collapsed on the floor of her office and never woke up again.

She was not just my Mom, she was my best friend, and I am having a LOT of trouble dealing with this.

I just came back to work Monday and I am really struggling.
I cannot concentrate on work at all and am just having a lot of trouble figuring out why any of it matters anymore.

I lost the one woman in my life who knew me better than ANYONE and who I could talk to about anything!!  We would talk back and forth via email ALL DAY every day at work and then when we got off work we would usually talk on the phone as we drove home from work.  I saw her at least twice a week, usually more... I am missing all of that so much!!

To make this pain even more difficult to deal with...
I have a five month old baby.
My Mom's very first grandchild!
She loved him SO MUCH and it absolutely KILLS me that he won't even know her!!
I know that he will grow up hearing stories about how wonderful she was, but that is not the way it is supposed to be!! She is supposed to be IN his life!!
She was so excited about becoming a Grandma and she loved my son in a way that was so amazing - she adored him so much and was always so excited about every little milestone.
She was so looking forward to watching him grow up and now she doesn't get to!!
She loved him so much and I so loved to see how happy she was when she was with him.
Now every single milestone in his life is going to be bittersweet to me because she won't be there!!

I am hurting so much and I don't know how to handle this!!

I never get to talk to her again.
I never get to see her again.
I never get to hug her again.
I never get to see her hold my son again.

This is so hard.
I miss her so much!!

Meredith

[tsurandy]

Meredith, I understand your feelings.  I lost my Mother Sept 17th.  What has helped me is knowing in my heart that she would want me to be happy, to live life, to be secure.  Mom's leave us physically and it kills us but stop and think, you know what she would tell you.  For all we do our Mom's helped shape who we are, they are always in our hearts and forever in our minds.  It will never be easy, I cry when I need to, I laugh when I need to, I think of Mom all the time.  Hang in there, come in here often and write out your feelings, go into chat, I am new here and I am finding it helps to get it out, you are not alone.   I feel your pain, I feel that loss of the best friend, the biggest supporter. 

[sonya_lonely]

Meredith,
I am your age and I lost both my parents auddenly to an accident in april this year.
I had almost the same relation with them as you menationed with your mom.To make to matter worse my younger brother who was attached to them so much was driving the car.He is in deep shock and pain till today and has not come out of it.We have no one except for each other in this worls and my husband.

My parents were everything to us ,all the support the comfort the advice everything,and one day suddenly i got a call that this has happened.
We feel comoletely unshielded to this BAD world where no one is there and no one really cares,but cominghere is one of the best things that have happened to share my grief and to vent out all....
you will find amazing people here....keep writing,you are not alone,
You are in my thoughts and prayers
Sonya

[vimbo76]

Hi,
i am sorry about your loss, hugs and kisses for you.
i can understand your pain because i lost my mother on the 18th of october this year. i can't concerntrate on anything but i am trying.i think for me, what is keeping is strong is knowing that i loved my mum, she loved me back and i did everything i could to her life better. and i know what she will want for me right know is for me and my siblings to be strong and keep going, that is what i am trying to do. i know its hard,