SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED

[MelissaCharliesMom]

We are all here when you are ready to scream, cry, talk..whatever you need.

[WendyRN]

mwf, I'm so very, very sorry for the loss of  your son.  Please take gentle care of yourself.  We are here for you if and when you want to share.

Wendy, Keith's mom

[Brenda Taylors Mom]

mwf, I am so deeply sorry about your son, please come back and talk to us when you can.. love, Brenda

[rita-grammy]

It is so sad to read everyone's pain, I am also still in that please come back phase...I am not sure I believe she is really gone. at her funeral I had it all planned out I was going to buy the gun, call police and do it while on the phone so my husband or grandson would not be the ones to find me. As painful as living is now, there are others who need us and we can't put them through the pain we are now going through. I agree it is unbearable and difficult so many times I wanted to leave to be with my baby. I even tried to overdose and woke up in ICU. I guess I quit breathing but, I still lived. Now I am on antidepressants and in theraphy. Nothing makes this journey any easier for all of us, but, because of our loss we are all in this together. I hope everyone keeps posting when they feel they need help this website has been a God send to me. There are people who do care and do understand.

Peace and love to all
Rita

[KatEngland]

I am so grateful to just come across this site.  It is so sad to see others heartbroken like me.  My beautiful daughter lost her baby, Ian Alexander Narbatovics, a couple of days ago.  She was laid off of her job, and as if that was not enough, her placenta ruptured and she gave birth to Ian 2 months early. Ian weighed 2 pounds 6 ounces.  His prognosis was great..they thought he was going to make it.  Misty had a csection, and never got to see Ian before she awoke as he was whisked away to a neonatal care unit at another hospital 45 minutes away. March 3rd was his birthdate..March 5, as she was released form the hospital, he took a turn for the worse.  he basically died in her arms.  The first time seeing him, he died in her arms.  I want to die right now.  i don't know how to help her.  This loss of Ian has made me dead inside.  I wish i could be dead and he would suddenly be here. I just widsh it were me. The worst is that she has baby clothes still coming to her that I ordered on ebay before he died. i can no longer talk to my family..I just can't. I have nowhere to turn besides my cherished husband. Thank you for reading.

[Dena]

(((((Kat))))))))

I am SO sorry for the loss of your precious grandson, Ian.  Just be there for your daughter.  My daughter lost my granddaughter (born still) a year ago and it was just devastating. In 1999, I lost my son, Joshua (14).  As parents, we want to make it all better for our children and it is heartbreaking and so frustrating when we can't.

You are in the right place for support  -we all walk that same sad journey.

Hugs,
Dena, Josh's Mom

[KatEngland]

Thank you, Dena. There are tears in my eyes at the pain of you for your children that you have lost as well. I know someday it will not hurt so much..because right now it is just overbearing..all consuming..Thank you.  Kat

[KatEngland]

we buried Ian yesterday. it was a cold and rainy day...but I swear I felt his presence. Although furious, and dying inside, I realize it was a blessing, for even only the 2 days my grandson was alive. Ian brought two days of joy and miracles. Worth every bit of pain now.  Every bit. Although I have tears of pain, I also have tears of joy for being a grandmother to Ian Alexander. I called the hospital that tried so hard to save him, and although I cried, I amaged to thank them for trying so hard. I also asked if any baby they thought would not make it in the past week had lived. One had..one they gave almost no hope for. I KNOW it, I just KNOW it, that my Ian was there to help that baby. I know it. Thank you for your help..and even though it hurts to breathe, to live each second, my grandson is a reason to celebrate as well as grieve.    K

[Dena]

(((Kat))))

I so understand those tears as a grandmother and as a mother.  You are right - Ian is a reason to celebrate as well as grieve.  I am so thankful for being able to hold my granddaughter and cuddle her.

You will find Ian all around you and he will send you signs to let you know that he is there.  Most are very subtle, but you will recognize them.

Hugs,
Dena, Josh's Mom

[Brenda W]

 My son Patrick (PJ) passed away on 2/7/09 just four days after his 26th Birthday, he died of liver failure related to a rare genetic disease called Alstrom's Syndrome.  I cannot help feeling that if I had gotten him to the hospital sooner he would have gotten his liver and kidney transplants that we waited nine years for;even though the Doctors tell me otherwise.  How do you get over the guilt that your child trusted you to make the right decisions for them?  He was also blind, so he did rely on me.  I just want to go to sleep and not feel so lonely anymore-he was my best friend and hero, his father left 11 years ago, so it has just been the two of us.

[KatEngland]

Oh Brenda, I feel your pain. Our little Ian, my grandson just died MArch 5, and I have so many what ifs..you did nothing wrong, Brenda. I feel guilt over Ian';s death, anger that I live, and he died. Anger, loneliness, unsure of how to proceed living. So many questions without answers, when answers are what we so need. Grief this fresh, this raw, is like an open wound..it neeeds a lot of time to heal, and a lot of tears. This board has already given me a lot of strenght, and I have met some wonderfully compassionate people that have taken their pain and anguish and use it to comfort others. This board is so wonderful as people UNDERSTAND what you are going through, and that in itself means a lot to me. remember the joys of your loved one..it helps me.  Kat

[KatEngland]

Please helpe. Oh my god, I am so desolate and so lost right now. I wish I could die. I cannot take this loss of Ian. I am trying so hard. I am strugglind, desperately working to make a difference, but..if there is a go..which I cannot believe, as no god would do this to me and Misty...please just take me now. Let this suffering end. Please let me be with Ian. I wish I were dead.

[JaimiesMom]

omg kat!!! i know how hard it is, we all do... and im one to talk due to the fact that im seriously thinking of ending it... but kat, you have a life, children, husband, grandchildren... they need you, i need you!! <3 oh gosh i wish i could be there to hug you tight!!!