introduction

[Jennie]

Hi. I hope that I'm posting this in the right place and such. Not really sure about this place, but the thing is, I've promised to make sure that everyone's okay... so then I started thinking who's going to make sure that I'm okay? So I thought that this might help, and I thank anybody who reads this.

I met my best friend on the internet a year ago, and I knew even beforehand he had cancer because that's how we started talking - he was in the hospital for a while, so he let his friends use his account on the rp site we were all on. I started talking to his friends, and then one day he was back on the account instead of them. We got along really well, and I was always marveling at how I could consider him my best friend within months, partly 'cause I've never really had a lot of friends in 'real life.'

Then, last November, he relapsed again and was told that he had just two years to live. So I mean... I knew that he was dying, all the while that I had a crush on him and that we were joking about poisonous marshmallows and while I started writing my book. But we were supposed to have a year yet, he was supposed to have a year... and a week ago he found out he doesn't. The cancer has spread and he's down to just weeks. So he's planning to hang around the rp site for a few more days, saying his goodbyes both on there and to his real life friends, and then check out in the hope it will be less painful than waiting.

So we're down to a deadline and I couldn't handle going to work today - he lives in England so there's really a limited time for goodbyes - and my mom is mad at me for it. Says that "you can't wait around for someone to die." My sister's real good about it, but she's sixteen (I'm twenty) and I can't burden her with much. Andy was the only person I could have talked to about something like this, but now I can't. And I told him that I'll be okay, and I'll make sure his sister and friends are okay, but... that's a lot to handle. Other than Hamster and Darren, who I imagine will also be busy looking out for others so they'll need me too, there's no one in our group of friends that I feel like I could possibly say all this to.

Not sure how coherent that was, but at least it's out there.

[Tom]

Hi Jennie -  So sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult situation.  It sounds tough and I am guessing that others will likely not understand your pain.  You may find that people here may be a little hesitant to say hello since almost everyone here is dealing with the pain of having a loved one die and your situation, though very painful, is different since your friend is still alive.  Most of the boards here were built with the idea of people dealing with the grief from a death.  One of the boards, titled "Grief not related to deaths" is specifically for those who may be dealing with grief that is not related to an actual death.

I hope this message doesn't make you feel odd or unwanted.  I just thought it might help you to understand the the territory.  Let me know if you have questions.

Tom