grief for my son who is ill

[Luvinmike]

I write on the main board as I miss my husband who died eight weeks ago. I write on here today as I am buried in grief for my son who is chronically ill, our youngest. I have to go to work in an hour and I have been up all night. Our two oldest are very good and healthy. Our youngest Adam is fifteen, he is autistic, mentally retarded and mentally ill. He has chronic and severe stomach infections and low muscle tone. He has great difficulty with most things, but he is a joy to be with and he is loved by all who know him. I am grieving for him and crying because he will be going into a residential care program and not coming home from the hospital this time. He really requires hospital level of care. They told us this last fall, but my husband wanted our family together- I was skeptical due to the challenges etc. and exhaustion- we both working full-time and so on. My husband got him home with us from Nov.- April 08. We have been paying for help every time he has been home and we did again. Adam has not been in school for 2.5 years. I am so thankful now because Mike laid in bed with Adam every night during this past winter and we were all together. We had a few arguments as the difficulty was such a strain- but my gosh with my Mike , our childrens' father getting to spend time with all of us together was priceless and irreplaceable now. Of course I wish I did not get tired or cranky at all during this time- but I am human and I admit it. I will thank you all who took the time to read this. I am missing my son- but I know I'm fortunate he is alive and well enough. I can't wait to have the transition to the home from the hospital over with as I think the anticipation may be the worst part, and the worries. I hope my son won't be afraid and we will visit a ton. Thanks for letting me get this out. Off to work- hope not much thinking will be required today- ha ha. Terri

[MelissaCharliesMom]

Having been an employee in the health care system I know how difficult these decisions can be. However, I have also seen the effects your sons type of required care can have on the caregiver. I turly think you are making such an unselfish and loving decision. If he requires hospital level care it is best to let the professionals do their jobs so you can do yours which isa loving your son, taking care of all of your family members and taking care of yourself.
It is ture the transition period is not easy, but it will be over before you know it and I am quite sure the facility your son will be in will provide him with so many social opportunities and great activities geared specifically for him and just think you are giving him the chance to be as healthy as possible which in the mean time will allow you to focus on being his mom instead of his Nurse or Dr.
I applaud you for your strength, bravery and your ability to do what is best for youre child. Wishing you strength and peace.

[kevinjj]

Hi Terri - I am so sorry for the loss of your husband and with Adam going into residential type care, it is another loss for you to bear. It doesn't seem to stop sometimes, one thing on top of another. I gather that you will be able to spend alot of time with your son and I think you are doing what is right, though it is very hard on you. You will be able to monitor his care and have some peace of mind that experienced professionals are looking after him and his many needs even though that won't stop the hurt of not having him at home.

[Luvinmike]

THANK YOU!!!! for the moral support and for caring. I appreciate that
Terri

[Karen Paul]

Terri - Sending you all my positive thoughts and prayers as you go through all this with your child.. I have a friend at work who had to make a similar decision years ago.. It seems like the right one but that doesn't make it any easier does it?! Know that your hubby is right beside you every step of the way.. and so are we...

luv and hugs, karen
Chris' aunt

[Sarah49]

Terri,

My heart goes out to you as you grieve and are forced to make tough decisions.  It is hard to lose a spouse, but I think nothing is harder than watching a child suffer.  I pray that you will find the strength you need to work through this difficult time in your life.  Remember that in order to care for your children, you must first take care of yourself.  It is easy to get physically and mentally exhausted caring for someone who is ill and forever damage your health.  I speak from experience as I have cared for family without regard to my health for several years and am now paying the price. 

I am reminded of the story of Elijah in the Bible when he was faced with overwhelming stress and he wanted to just give up and die, God first sent an angel to provide the necessities of life.  A fire to keep him warm, water to drink, food to eat and a comfortable place to rest.  Afterward God allowed him to talk about the situation and spend time in His presence.  It's hard to top God's advice.  I wish you and your family all the best.

[laurenE]

Terri,

I can not imagine how difficult this yr has been for you and the decision you had to make to put your son in residential care.  I have also been in the health care system and can't imagine even attempting to care for your 15 y/o at home.    Please know that your decision is best for him,  tough love that it is,  and that you will be able to enjoy him more fully as you go visit him often.

With love and prayers and a hug,

Lauren

[Landons Mom Shelly]

((((Terri)))))

I am so sorry for all you're having to go through right now, the loss of your husband and now having to go through this with your son . . . you are doing the right thing for him, he will get the care he needs and you'll be able to be there for your other children and spend the quality time with Adam without being exhausted.  Take care of yourself, I'm saying a prayer for you and your family tonight Terri - - God bless . . .

Landon's Mom forever,

Shelly

[georgiapeaches]

Hi Terri-
I dont usually venture on this page but whenI saw your nameI decided to read. I hope your allright. I hope everything is ok for you and your family and I always pray for you. I am sure your son knows what a wonderful mother he has. hugs to you.

[Luvinmike]

Thank you Georgia. I pray for you, your children and your Johnny. I really appreciate your thoughts, I am just doing my best right now. As i think everyone on here tries to do. Prayers for peace and a lot of rest somehow. I am determined to plant bulbs even though the other things I should do are falling apart. who cares, plant the bulbs right? Also, Adam is doing well, still in hospital, move delayed. Another meeting tomorrow. I get a lot of comfort reading on this site and I pray for everyone on here to have a moment of peace, and I thank each of you who replied to this post. This is old grief for everyone in my "not webhealing life" as Adam has been hospitalized so frequently and for years. I appreciate the support. Thanks Terri

[charlesafather]

luvinmike i have a friend that is in the same situation as you with their child he is yuonger and after the move he really became more responcive and happyer, I know this must be difficult however you can get rest and Adam will get plenty of attention.
prayers to you and your faimly.