lost them both...

[sonya_lonely]

I am new to this forum...
I am an unfortunate one to loose my parents on 27th april'08 in a car accident,and to make it worse ,my younger brother was driving the car.I am 27 and my brother is 24.The were returning from a party when the accident occoured and I got a call.We were very much attached to them and my brother is in depair.Mom was 55 and dad 55 too.We both are numb and cant accept they r gone.No one really is there for any emmotional support except my husband....i know i cant smile ever...
 
they were incredible...honest people.we were aa family of four and were in love with each other ..my father was an ever smiling person and was loved by all the relatives and friends...suddenly afetr his death  and mom's death,me and my brother are left alone..no one turned up and came to us even for emotional support....my brother is numb...he does not even speak a word..i know its because he was driving....I dont know how to take this...I have sleepless night and every morning i cry as there is something missing ...the home seems to be lifeless....I am in despair..lonely...
I dont know how to move forward now..dont know whom to call to whom to talk to whom to take advice from miss them both...life has become so meaningless without them

[BrokenandLost]

Oh my goodness... I am so, so so sorry for your loss.  I can't imagine losing both of my parents.  My prayers are definetly with you and your brother.  This is a wonderful site... keep coming to it.  I'm new to it also, but it really has helped.  I too don't have anyone to go to for support. 
I don't know what else to say.  I'm sorry for your loss and your pain.  There are others much more qualified that will be along to help you.  Stay stong, keep your head high. 

[kevinjj]

OMG! I am so very very sorry to hear of your terrible loss. I find that a grief group really helps me and I  hope you will join a group. You need to be around people face to face that have also had loved ones die, to actually hear and see them and talk with them about your terrible loss. These cyber groups are OK but they cannot replace face-to-face interaction with real people.

[Luvinmike]

Dear Sonya and your dear brother;

     I am sorry for the tragic accident. If you don't know where to start - please contact the hospital where you lost your beloved parents and speak with a Social Worker- state that it is an emergency. Follow through on bereavement and grief resources- Kevinjj stated face to face is critical for you both, please go to the groups.
Take comfort of one thing- your Mom and Dad are together for all of eternity. Many couples ( myself included) would sacrifivce years to go to heaven at the same time as our spouse-
It is called an accident for a reason- nobody means for this to happen- and very little can prevent the many fatal car accidents that shatter families every day- but families can heal and carry their grief. You and your brother can work like a team to get through this and perhaps plan ways to memorialize your wonderful family- put some energy to honoring them. I'm sure your whole community is crying for you both. Keep writing- we all care very much how you are managing. Sincerely, Terri

[ladybug13]

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you are going thru. I agree with everyone else try to find a support group and definately encourage your brother to go. I wish I knew how to help or knew what to say. I do know I am thinking of you and wishing you courage and strength. Keep coming back, this site and people definately help...Jacque

[georgiapeaches]

I am so sorry for your loss and am praying for you and your brother to find comfort.

[sonya_lonely]

more than 2 months and the pain in increasing a lot lot lot more.....feeling so helpless..for my self for my brother who still in trauma...
i have put all the snaps of the good times shared but now i m scared to go to the room and face my mom dad'd smiling face in the snaps...very scared...still have sleepless nights and same lonely mornings...can anybody help me to live...

[DadsGirl23]

Dear Sonya,
  I know how hard it is to lose someone so special and so suddenly.  I lost my Dad in an accident at work May 31, 2007-just 1 year and 1 day after we lost my Opa, his Dad, to cancer.  Its been a little over a year and I still have my breath catch every day because I can't believe it happened.  My Dad did everything right-exercised, ate well, supported everyone he loved and cared about.  I lost a lot that day.  My Dad is my Mom and my best friend.  My parents' divorce started when I was 16 and ended when I was 18 (I'm 22 now).  That was the best thing that could've ever happened to us.  My mother never wanted to do things with me.  It was pulling eye teeth to get her to take me to the doctor when I was sick.  My Dad is the one who took my shopping, go get hair done, helped me pick out whatever, you name it.  The first time I got a pedicure he got one with me.  I haven't talked to my mom in years-she made our lives completely miserable.  She was always drunk or high and screamed at my Dad every day.  She would tell him to his face that she wished he would die (even when she was miraculously sober)....well, she got her wish and somehow can't understand why I won't talk to her.  Anyways...my Dad and I only got three good years after the divorce.  Looking at the pictures, we looked younger a year ago than we did 5 years before-all of our daily stress was gone.  Everyone told me I looked younger and younger as each year went on.  And my Dad was the happiest I had ever seen him.  He was just starting to do all the things he had wanted to do.  He had just bought a custom-made mountain bike about a month earlier and we were going to go to Canada to ride down some trails.  I was still living at home working full time and going to school full time nights an hour away.  My Dad took care of everything else for me.  He's the only person I can talk to about everything.  I still talk to him every day and I write to him in my journal nearly every day.  I love him so much it hurts.  I see my nephews who saw my Dad as a hero.  My oldest brother is their biological father and he never really gave a damn about them.  So my Dad and me would always do stuff with them...birthday parties, fishing trips, bmx racing, and much more.  Seeing my nephews not only hurts because I remember all the things we did together but its hard for them too.  They get sad before they bmx race.  My Dad is the glue...I don't talk to my oldest brother because he's just like my mother and I barely talk to my other brother.  I cry every day still...for me things haven't gotten better.  Anyone who says you'll get over this is either lying or doesn't know what it feels like.  In the beginning there were hundreds of phone calls day and night and people coming over paying their respects-my Dad is very well-loved by everyone...I had never seen so many people in my church in my life.  They were lined up outside the doors.  But I just wanted to scream whenever someone told me some stupid cliche like "well, he's here in spirit" because I'm sorry, but that's not good enough for me.  Exactly one week before we were at my school and he told me he would be here for me through everything-that he would get me through school and we were going to do all the things we wanted to do and he'd be here as long as it took.  There are grief books out there-I've read some of them but it was hard to find books pertaining to my situation.  Most of them were losing people over a long period of time or losing parents when they are like 90...my Dad was only 50.  There aren't many books about young adults losing parents suddenly.  I wish I could tell you things get better...they might.  Things haven't gotten better for me.  I haven't had a good night's sleep since the night before it happened.  I still want to be with my Dad.  I still pray to have him back for all of us but I'm more than willing to be with him in Heaven.  I don't have kids or a husband so there is nothing here that I need to stay for.  If I fake a laugh or smile I don't feel it inside like I used to.  I hate my life now and I wish I could've gone with him.  I wish I had been given that choice.  Being here isn't worth it.  I've read so many times that people who've lost loved ones so close to them usually die shortly after and at first I thought "I will be one of those poeple"-I seriously thought I would die within a few weeks of the accident.  I'm praying for that but weirdly enough I haven't been sick one day since that awful day.  I have complete meltdowns often and most of my family doesn't understand my solitude.  Every time I try to go visit my family a few hours away i start crying and can't stop, so i come home.  They don't feel what I feel-they didn't get to see him every day and every night.  In all of my hopes and dreams for the future or whatever plans I made, my Dad was always in them.  Now they've all gone to hell.  I hope things do get better for you though and I pray for you and your brother. 

[sonya_lonely]

my dear..... i m so so so very sorry for you ..i wish i could  it tolerable for u but i canreally really understand ur situaltion and believe me ur dad was very very alike to my dad.. but really we cant help it...we can never forget the vois which can never be filled by any one...
u still have a long way to go my dear i really wish a miracle for you in life...
you are in my thoughts......and in my prayers....keep posting and let us know ur wellbeing..take care dear wish i could do or say more...
hugs,Sonya

[dianne]

hang in there,i lost four in three years.i know your pain.somtimes it helps to know your not alone.i will keep you in my thoughts. all death is tragic,but sudden tragic death is even harder.

[sonya_lonely]

it is getting harder n harder...seemshave not heard theri voice so long...can nyone tell me hoe to live

[kevinjj]

Hi Sonya, again I am so sorry for the tragic death of your parents. I hope you will join a grief group and get into some therapy. You need to talk and talk about your parents and all that you had and all that you lost and a therapist is trained and experienced in listening to people. You need to talk about this and share the many strong emotions you are having that are churning around inside of you making you feel that you are losing your mind or about to explode. Try to eat as healthy as you can and drink alot of water too. Strong emotions cause people to breathe very shallow so it is important to oxygenate your body by doing some deep breathing exercises every day. You are probably not sleeping very well so it is ok to get some sleeping pills from a doctor to help you through for a few months. Coping with such a huge loss is even harder if your body is also totally stressed by lack of  good food, sleep and oxygen. Avoid sodas and coffee or cut way back on them. Im so sorry this has happened to you.

[grainofsand]

Sonya,
My heart breaks for you and your brother.  I agree with everyone here, this isn't something that you will be able to deal with alone.  Please try to find someone to help you sort out your emotions.  I am so thankful that your brother was not taken as well.  I am sure you both will be a great source of comfort and healing to each other.

My prayers are with you both. 

[sonya_lonely]

thanks kevinjj and grainofsand....
i will definately look for a therapist...
the only thing is that my brother dosent speak...he is thousand times in a bad shape than i m as he was driving the car...and he loved them so so much...thank u so much for the emotional support..thanks both of you

[kpodgorski]

I am so sorry for your loss.  I also lost my parents both within a 2 month period.  although I was fortunate enough to have them for many more years than you.  I lost mom to alsheimers in April.  two days later my dad had an aneurism, missed moms funeral and died after over 2 months in the hospital.  It was such a profound loss.  I feel like an orphan.  All I have left is my brother and my husband and 2 children.  I can only tell you to try to go on and believe that your parents are truly in a better place.  Everything happens for a reason and I really belive there is something betterthan this life for all of us.  Mom and Dad will be waiting for you and your brother as I believe my parents are.  Try and think about this whenever you are overcome with sadness. This is what is helping me and dont be afraid to cry.  god bless you.