Families and Friends of a Trauma Survivor - How do you deal?

[coping in DC]

Hi, I just found this website and this if my first time trying something like this, but I thought I needed to look for different avenues of support. About 3 weeks ago, my boyfriend was shot during an attempted mugging. Miraculously he is doing ok and out of the hospital. No word on whether they'll catch the people that did this. I've started talking to a counselor, but find that sometimes it is easier to talk anonomously. I just wanted a place to find people that have experience the same thing and learn  more about ways to cope. I know that I am not the 'survivor' of the violent act, but it has rocked me to my core. It has been so hard, as he is staying with family right now until he gets better. But being alone and without him is so painful. And it hurts because I dont know how to help him. He's such a shell of himself right now and I cant get over the fact that we almost lost him. I guess in short I feel like I've lost the life that we were building and that things will never be the same. I dont know if either of us will be the same once we go through the process of healing. To top it all off, had to start my new job 2 days after this happened and have just been trying to hold it all together. Sorry for the long post, but I hope this was the right place to come. I hope that I can learn from others here or even get suggestions on what to do during the healing process. I feel for anyone that has gone through any type of loss or traumatic event and find comfort in the fact that there are so many people able and willing to share their experiences.

I guess to sum it all up...I just want to know how do you deal as a person that is touched by a violent act, but not the survivor? How do you deal with not being able to trun to the one you love and talk to them at a time like this when they are going through so much more? How do you deal with feeling selfish and guilty about wanting them to talk to you, when they have so many other and more important things to focus on....Thanks for listening/reading...

[lostwithouthim]

Take it one day, one minute, one second at a time. Thats all anyone can do. He nor you will ever be the same. Especially him , because he has saw first hand how fast it can all be be over with. You know also by having almost lost him.
A normal errand and day don't always end as it normally should. At some point and time in life, we are all touched by that cold hard truth. Its very scary and very real when that happens.
I am so sorry that you and your boyfriend have had this to happen to you. You will be in my thoughts.

[laurenE]

Everyone is going to grieve differently over the almost loss of life and the loss of what used to be.   

 Take care of your own healing first and foremost.   

 Continue to be supportive of your bf, in the ways that he needs comfort and support.   Ask him specifically what he needs,  dont assume   you know what he needs.   If he needs to be left alone today, that does not mean that in 3 hrs or tomorrow he wont need to be with you.   His needs will change, sometimes as often as the wind blows.   If today he needs to talk about it...then listen and dont try to fix it.    But if tomorrow he just wants you to sit quietly with him, then do that as well. 

Also,  read as much as you can on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  This will help you understand him, and maybe will help him understand himself.