My only child, Dan

[Annie1973]

Thank you for being here when I am feeling so very sad.
My son died on June 7th.  He tripped and fell and hit his head very hard on a bedpost, the coroner said the head injury would have been fatal, but in addition to that, his neck was broken.
He was 34 years old, I just don't get how to move on now. He was my only child.
My 12 year old grandaughter is without her daddy. What do we do now?
Blessings on you for being here.

[grainofsand]

Annie~

Life is so fragile, isn't it.
How young to be taken from his daughter of 12 yrs old.  My heart goes out to you both.
I hope you feel welcome here....to post and read...and post.  When you enter this type of journey, this life long change, you do feel so lost and abandoned.

I wish I can say something that is going make your sadness leave you....so all I can do is say a prayer for you both.  I am so sorry your son passed on.  You are not alone....you have all of us now. 

[saba]

i m really sorry for your n yr g.daughter s great great loss. she s too young to b without either of the parents, tho i bliev whatvr age we are, we need our parents n whatvr age the child is wil always b a baby for the parent, may u find consolation in yr child's child now. Peace b with u !

[Pete (UK)]

Annie:

My heart goes out to you. Just one month ago I wouldn't have known your sad story. I might have read something like it in the newspaper, but then I'd dismiss it as we all do as 'something that happens to other people'.

I can't imagine the grief you and your granddaughter are suffering, but I feel it must be at least the same colour as that felt by everyone who visits this site. I'm reaching out for you right now. I've tried all kinds of 'therapy' over the last three weeks, and however many 'good' hours I get, I'm still returned to square zero. I think it must take a long time to get away from the intensity. I can say nothing to make you feel better, but I can assure you that I am with you in pain, maybe it will lessen just a little to know I have some understanding of your sadness. Keep using this site, I get relief from it. Others are so caring, even in their own times of loss.

I had warning that my darling wife was going to be taken from me, but the suddenness of Dan's passing is unfair and cruel. Please stick with it, don't quit. During Heather's illness I bought a used paperback novel and a screwed-up poem fell out. I used it as a strengthener, a reminder that life is everything.

The Way
 
Friend, I have lost the way.
The way leads on.
Is there another way?
The way is one.
I must retrace the track.
It's lost and gone.
Back, I must travel back!
None goes there, none.
Then I'll make here my place,
(The road leads on),
Stand still and set my face,
(The road leaps on),
Stay here, for ever stay.
None stays here, none.
I cannot find the way.
The way leads on.
Oh places I have passed!
That journey's done.
And what will come at last?
The road leads on.

~ Edwin Muir ~

Please keep going, against all odds, as dark, bleak and cold as it gets, don't give up, don't be a quitter, seek inspiration! The pattern of life seems to show that it is all about balance; be it diet, pleasure, work or nature. Maybe the law applies when we die and we get paid off by reunion with our families? Mostly, take care, and treasure what you have in Dan's girl; adversity brings out the best in the brave. My son and daughter, though in their 'thirties, have become adults in three weeks, and their mother would be proud to see what they have learned from her. I know it is not easy, just this morning I was on the ground again, but I got a reply on this site and things seemed more bearable. Use everything you can to stay afloat.

I'm sorry if my advice seems trite Annie, but it's the best I can do and I (and everyone else) want you to be okay,

Love, Pete

[Annie1973]

It sure does feel alot better to have people that understand. Having all you in my corner is quite an amazing thing!
I will seek out inspiration, I'll keep coming back.  I have been a lifelong believer that crisis doesn't build character, it brings out the character we already have.
What a fine and loving group I have found, thank you a million times,
I tried to post a picture of my son and grandaughter so you could see them, must have skipped a step somewhere along the way.
Dan would have helped me with it (he's the pc guy).
When I can get through posting without crying, I'll say more, but for now I just want to tell you all "thank you so much!"

[Pete (UK)]

Annie:

I had quite a hard day today. I'm in Southsea with my beautiful daughter Naomi and we spent the morning at a flea market. We came back to her apartment and slowly I started to sink, probably because I was entertaining the idea of returning to work tomorrow. She is fantastic, she keeps me afloat! I read your reply to my post and it made me so happy I cried.

At least now I know there is true value in sharing our pain. I have found other coping tools! (I'm trying to treat my situation as a recognised human event, which it is), I really want to tell you about it, but I won't have time until I get back home. There's so much I want to say. I had a bad 'downer' this afternoon, but Naomi stayed with me and I got through it. The icing on the cake was your reply! It filled me with enthusiasm to carry on and fight like a terrier! maybe that's how it works; humanity breeding humanity?

The romantic sound of 'southern California' just sounds like a different world. Here we have a government that rips you off, a national health service that is run by businessmen and a dumbing down of all media, so that it makes you want to hide! A garden in California can barely be imagined from the distance, in this rainy, grey country. I can feel your strength. I KNOW you are going to be okay. Be bloody-minded, survive, beat it, I'm with you and so is everyone on the site. Heather was a fighter, she never, ever gave up. The day before she died she was planning our road trip to Italy. We'd wanted it for ten years and nearly made it before she was diagnosed. I'll still go, maybe with Naomi and Luke, and I'll take her with me in my heart. Heather wasn't a quitter and she's kicking me up the butt even now!

Thanks for the smile on my face and the sunshine in my heart you gave me today, it pulled me together and reminded me I am not the only one to worry about. Bless you for helping me!
With a smile (at last),

Pete

[Tom]

Annie --  The death of a child is so difficult but Pete is right in pointing out that the suddeness of a death makes it that much harder.  It is just too much to believe and it takes a significant amount of time before our brains can start to integrate the death. 

The death of an only child is also quite different and very difficult.  I am sure there are some folks on the child loss board that can look at that with you.

Glad you found us.

Pete -- That's a great poem.  Wonderful way you found it.