2-year anniversary of boyfriend's sudden death approaching on 7/1

[aloneGF]

Hello all-I'm glad I found this board!

My ex who was thinking about dating again died of a "catastrophic heart attack" on 7/1/06.  There was no advance warning unless you take into account the fact that he said he was tired the night before.  He was on his way to work that morning and collapsed on the sidewalk.  He was given CPR but to no avail.  Turns out it runs in his family-his dad died of that same thing at 47 and the son was only 49. 
I am feeling VERY ALONE, EXTRA DEPRESSED and like I'm just going through the motions.  My transportation service still uses his van and it's weird to ride in it with him not driving and seeing his sweet, smiling face. 
I've heard it takes 2 years to grieve an unexpected death like this?-is that true?

Happy summer to all!

[cmx114]

So sorry to hear about your friend.  I wouldn't base your grief on time passed.  The death of someone you love is very significant, though you will feel better in time.  My thoughts go out to you.  C.

[Karen Paul]

aloneGF

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss! How sudden and tragic! I would not put a time table on grief of any kind, but most especially a sudden, unexpected loss like that! My nephew was killed in NOv 2003 by a hit and run driver. He was 16 years old. I think for me (not being his parent) the first 3 years were the toughest, most intense grief, in the middle of the third year I started to be able to think about taking care of myself again, having a little more energy to deal with life, etc..

But I will feel the loss of my nephew for the rest of my life.. and even now, when we are coming up on his 5th angel date this November, I still have periods of sadness, periods where grief intrudes on every day life again.. and I still think of him every single day I do not think that will ever change..

Please don't pressure yourself with time tables - they are generally made up by people not grieving - and have little to do with reality. Give yourself all the time you need. Your feelings are valid and they are yours and no one else had the relationship with him that you did, it is special and unique. I do hope you will find this a safe place to share, there are so many caring people on here who have lost someone they love. And know that you are in my heart..

hugs, Karen
proud aunt of Christopher

[laurenE]

Im so sorry.   The grieving process is difficult to pen down to a certain time frame, since all of us grieve so differently.    However,   the "early phases of grief" can last anywhere from 1-2 yrs,  from what I have read.   That does not mean that grief will magically disappear after the 2nd anniv.

   I found the 2nd anniv of moms death to be very difficult and painful,  but thats just me.   I'm coming up on 6yrs and do not hurt as much as I used to.  It does not mean that I dont have a grief moment every few months of so,  but I certainly do not hurt or think about her on a regular basis anymore. 

Take good care of yourself on every anniv date... surround yourself with friends and a nice dinner,   go to a spa and get a pedi, get away for a day or two,,,,  do something that you dont normally do  bc I think we all deserve special treatment for all of the hardwork of grieving that we have been doing.