Suicide

[alleycat]

Hi everyone, five months ago my bf's brother commited suicide he was only 29 and had been depressed for some time . me my bf and  his brother lived with his mother ,who found him dead one morning ,things as you can imagine have been dreadful these last months ,my bf's mother wont even stay on her own for a few hours which is adding further strain  to the two of us as we both work full time and when we get home we get no time together ,exactly at the time we need each other most ,she wont stay with her other sons even a night so we dont get a break .I understand she isgoing through something I cant even for a second imagine but she puts it all on us not excepting help from any other of her family ,

What can I do it is destroying my bf to see his mother in such a state after  all those months of seeing his brother the same , what can we do she is seeing doctors ,and it doesnt seem to help ,im just worried what will happen when we move out will she be okay ?. im trying but I live in another country to my family and havent seen then in six months .I am feeling like its never gonna get better

Her son who died was a wonderful man gentle and sweet handsome and caring ,its hard to believe he is gone .

[lostwithouthim]

I have never lost a child. I have come close and thinking my son could possibly not make it is a thought and fear that haunts and terrifies me even now. I know how life can be over at any second and it scares me.

My brother died in Feb and no one in family has been the same. My mom is very angry and lost now.
She says she will never get over it. I don't doubt that for a second. How could she? A part of her is gone. My brother did not commit suicide.

Parents don't ever get over the death of a child. If you were to throw suicide into that death as being a cause. Then all the questions a parent has at the death of their child is only going to get worse.

If your boyfriend's mom is taking antidepressant's it takes a while for them to work. Your boyfriend's mom needs him.It may be a strain on your relationship but she has been his mom all his life. Allow her to have him.

The two of you will have to find some way to meet the needs of your relationship while she is sleeping or preoccupied with something else.She probably feels like she needs to protect him. Moms are very protective of their children especially after such a tragedy.

[alleycat]

I understand what your saying and I appreciate your reply ]

I would never be selfish about this situation but it is a big concern for him we cant leave the house hardly without giving her prior notice and nhe hates it ,because he is not her only other living son he himself finds it unbearable ,She is ofcourse Angry aswell ,and she takes a lot of that anger out on me and im becoming unable to just sit back and take it .it hurts ,i was here also throughtout all of his ilness and depression ,

She doesnt sleep so some nights im up with her until 2 in the morning then at work 8.30 home 6.30 and then the same again ,he misses me and I try to help him as much as I can ,he is studying and will have to go to college soon so he will be leaving anyway as will.she is on A D's and also sleeping tablets ,we are all infact concerned about her medication .but she gets very angry if we try to discuss it with her ,me and her daughter in laws .
I love her to bits ,but I cant spend the next two years of my life like this i dont sleep i dont see him and ,its making me depressed i never feel happy or even okay .

I might sound selfish ,but i have done everything I can been here through it all I look after her animals cook most of the time and i am emotionally and physically burnt out .

[alleycat]

Also I apologise as I have posted in the wrong place .

[lostwithouthim]

This is going to be a very rough trying time for the both of you ( you and your boyfriend).

Her life has just been turned upside down. I can understand your dismay over her taking her anger out on you. My mom does the same to me and my dad but as I said he didn't commit suicide.

Please hang in there and keep posting . I am sure who has more experience then me will reply to you.
She is probably clinging to your boyfriend more because he is still at home and she knows he will be leaving soon. She is afraid of letting him go.

I will be praying for you. Hang in there and keep posting and be sure to read what has already been posted on here.

[alleycat]

Thanks so much for your posts ,its nice to know someone understands.

[rita-grammy]

Alley
I know this must be very hard for both of you, but, as a mother losing my daughter to suicide I can try to tell you that his mother is going through the worst thing that could possibly happen to a mother. The only thing I can suggest is that you incourge her to go to theraphy, I do and I know I still am difficult for family members to be around but, I have to go through my pain and the differant stages of that road. Suicide is a differant type of grief with it comes guilt and anger. I'm thinking that maybe she wonders why can everyone go on when my son is gone. She may be angery at him for making the choice of suicide. I am sure she at times blames herself. I will keep you in my prayers and hope with time things get better.

Rita