I Miss My Wife, My Best Friend

[missumarj]

I lost my wife over a year ago (May 5th 2007). She was my best friend.
We were married 35 years. We have 2 children and 4 grandchildren.
They are a source of comfort for me, but when you lose a spouse it's like a piece of you goes away. We talked all the time. I really miss that.
We enjoyed each others company so much. I have no one to share my thoughts with, those special husband and wife things. I think I feel worse now than I did 6 monthes ago. I think it's because life moves on and you feel guilty moving on with it or maybe you just feel guilty because you are alive and they are not. The sun on my face and hearing birds sing and knowing your loved one will never feel those things again.
My wife took her own life, but I am not mad at her. She could not help herself. She became scared and depressed and simply could not help it.
I miss her more than words can say.

[grainofsand]

I am sure you miss her very much, I am sorry for your loss.
It is tough to go through the death of someone you love, and then when that shock is gone, you have the realization that you have to live on without them.  I can only imagine your adjustment as your whole world is turned upside down this past year. 

Please post here as often as you need to share your thoughts.  There are many ears here that are so willing to listen. 

[lostwithouthim]

Please keep posting. Tell us about your wife. Keep her memory alive by telling us about her.

[Longwalker]

I am so sorry for your loss.  I hope you can find some comfort in the world around you and on this board.  My thoughts are with you.

[laurenE]

Missumarj

I am so very sorry for the loss of your wife.   Im so glad you are here with us posting about it.     I also hope you have good friends to call on on those days when you just cant put one foot in front of the other. 

Keep coming back and letting us know how you are doing

Lauren

[lili]

I understand the guilt thing. And I remember when both my grandmother, and mother died being intensely irritated by the birds chirruping away, as tho' nothing was wrong. My heart was breaking, and they were singing. I honestly believe that those who have gone on have the easy time of it - it is we who stay behind who take the brunt of the loss.  I know it's ok to get on with life, and start living it again, but you almost have to remake a part of yourself - a part of you dies with your loved one, and now you have to negotiate life alone. It's a massive blow, but I know it can be done, because millions and millions of people have had to deal with loss, but my heart is not so convinced right now - especially because my grief is so raw. Please know you are not alone, and believe you can get thru' it.

[Pete (UK)]

Missumarj

I didn't know what tough meant until 6th June when I lost my wife to cancer. I'm with you man, I feel the pain, keep posting on this site, let's see if we can weaken the grip of the loss. Don't give up.

Loving thoughts, Pete

[jhooknc - Jeff]

   Fully understand what you are going through.   I too lost my wife to cancer on June 27th.   33 years of terrific marriage.   Now, as you said, total uncertainty and emotion complications.   My fears are becoming more and more as I find other similar stories and tails of the emotional pain years after the event.   Looking ahead to my future is so much more complex and this loss will forever trouble me as it has for many others.
   I share your pain and wish you the best with your struggle and pray that each day brings at least some smiles and sense of purpose.   I look forward to that day as well.

[maryluvskevin]

I know the feelings although I am new to them.  I lost my best friend, my husband 3 weeks ago.  I don't feel right anymore.  I feel as though half of me is gone.  We were together for 30 years.  I feel the tears start and I try to stuff them down. I am afraid to feel the feelings that are inside me.  If you can help please do.  I am feeling really lost and alone even though I have friends around.  They can't understand nor do I want them to try.   

[mtinash]

I am so sorry for your loss.  I completely understand how you feel.  I lost my husband and best friend on July 2, 2008.  He to took his own life.  We did not have any children so I wander around our house trying to figure out what to do with myself.  There are so many what ifs that I just drive myself crazy.  The hardest part is the silence and wanting to talk with your spouse.  I talk to my husbands picture but unfortunately he does not talk back.  I would give anything in the world to hear his voice and feel his arms around me.  Everyone tells me that it will get better with time.

Do you attend a support group?  I have alot of comfort in a support group.  Everyone there is going through the same emotions we are and it helps to mingle with folks that understand.  The loss of a loved on is hard enough when it is from natural causes but when a loved one decides to take their own life it adds additional grief becuase of all the questions surrounding the loss.

Please keep posting on this board and understand that their are folks that understand and are here for you.

God Bless

[kevinjj]

You are with us and we sure didn't want to be here. You are not alone. Little things change and they are sad because she/he is not here to be a part of it - a plumbing problems, a tree limb broke, the neighbors get a new dog, something different at work, contacts and new things with family, etc etc  It is now me instead of we. 2/14/08 I lost my wife of 21 years. I know what you are going through, missumarj. Now who to share the little and big things with?  something as simple as a new pair of shoes that would have been totally insignificant now has a different meaning being alone without her. The harsh, extreme emotions the kind that knock you down eased for me after 2-3 months. Sadness and lonliness hover close by all the time. Keep posting and get into chat, if anyone is there ever. Hang in there, we are with you.

[lostone]

I completely understand how you both feel..
I just lost my spouse of 25 years to cancer
We use to take the time to have morning coffee together and now I drink coffee alone
The house seems so empty and I've got a pit in my stomach most days ....I can't eat or sleep I would just like 5 more minutes with him to tell him how much I love him.
During his illness he would tell me that I was the strong one but without his strenght I'm nothing !!

[matonb]

Losing your spouse is a horrible event and I do understand you loss.
 I'm 35 and lost my wife to cancer 7 years ago,she went to the doctor to get her pregnancy confirmed, which she did and also came back with cancer.

These events led me close to self destruction, Life does go on but it is very different.

I have found that my views and principles have changed as a direct result of losing what I think of as my future.

My mother offered this up as a bit of light relief:

If there is an afterlife, she'll be there watching and waiting for you.  If there isn't your not going to know anyway.