CHILD MOLESTATON

[scrappy]

I just found this site and am hoping that on some level it will help.  My youngest child was molested over a period of years by a family friend. He is now 17 yrs old.  He is in counseling as am I.  My husband thinks that he is over it, but I know otherwise.  My son has all kids of rage now-which I understand is normal.  The man committed suicide in jail which meant that my son and the other 2 boys didn't have to testify which was a huge gift...but now we are just dealing with the aftermath and after a few years of keeping it together I am starting to show some signs of PTSD.  I am having nightmares and thoughts of flooring the gas pedal and driving head on into any car that looks like his car...I understand all the mechanics of it in my head, but wading through the debris of so overwhelming right now! 

THIS MAN RUINED MY SON!!!  How do I get through this? I believe in Christ and know that I will eventually be healed but right now it is very hard to see the end for where I am standing!

Thanks for listening1
Scrappy

[nocturnal]

HEY I can relate to many many concerns and issues you are experiencing.    We are both Christians and yes life from day to day is extremely very trying, must perservere(sp) with adversity and positiveness and surround yourself with friends who care about you...........I try it everyday, some days are better than others, never give up hope.    My only son's father was murdered fall of 2006...........in counseling for this still crisis and grief and for my own childhood disasterous life which led me to several dx's of PTSD, Depression and others.............stay in touch, maybe we will be able to reach out together and pray and re-begin healing..........I attend a couple of support groups also which help me emotions.

[laurenE]

Scrappy,

I am so sorry for your son and for your family.  What a horrible thing to happen to a child.   I am glad the perpetrator was caught and jailed.  So many perps go free b/c the victim's are too afraid to tell.   I'm glad someone was strong enough to tell.

I too am a christian and was also molested for 6 yrs by an uncle and one time by another uncle.  I was also raped by a boss.    I only tell you this to assure you that your son is not  "ruined".    Yes he will have some healing to do,  and it sounds like he is  already in the process of healing.  Anger and rage  are  part of that process.
But as long as he willingly works thru all the different feelings,  he will be able to have a very normal life.       

I work in the psych field,  have just celebrated my 20th wedding anniversary,  and have a beautiful life.   We  go on vacations once a yr,  have a great church, and a wonderful life.  I no longer hurt or feel anger toward my perps.  I never think about them.  I never dream about them.  I have removed myself from their lives.   I am completely free of them. 

  No,  I was not strong enough to tell  back then so they are all running around freely right now.  The only people who know are their spouses,  but they chose to believe I am a liar.   So far, there are no other victims,  as far as I know.   As soon as  I hear of any,  I will come forward to help the victim.   But  too many yrs  have passed since the last episode for me so I can not prosecute.

So please continue to get your son some help.   But rest assured,  his life does not have to be ruined.  He just has to choose not to allow the perp to ruine his life and to choose to continue to work through and  heal from this.    He may go thru phases where he is ok with it, feeling good about it, not affected by it,   and not needing therapy ,  then yrs it may come up again.  Thats ok,  its all a process and everyone healing journey is different.     

Continue to choose healing.  It is worth the fight and the pain.   There is a light at the end of the tunnel.  I am living proof.

God bless and never stop praying ,

Lauren

[scrappy]

Thank you both so much for your support.  I understand it is such a long process, but very much worth it in the end...I get that.  I just very much need others to understand where I am on that road.  Thank you both very much!

I guess I understand that he is not ruined...I am just grieving the person that he would be now had this not happened--THAT young man has been murdered--but another strong young man is yet to be born.  I must keep that perspective. 

Thankyou for giving me that opportunity to "talk" it out.

[laurenE]

You are welcome to continue talking it out  anytime on this board as you continue your journey.   We have a grief board for  non death related grief,  such as yours so any type of grief is welcome to be discussed here.     

[scrappy]

I am sorry-I thought that was the board that I was posting on-can you provide the link?

[laurenE]

Oh,  you did the right thing.  You were supposed to start here to introduce yourself.    So thank you for doing that.    

  You can continue posting here on this board if you want or on this very same websight is another page called  "NON Death grief.     

Hope to continue hearing from you.