Separated-not married but not divorced yet & friends

[adele]

Losses- Lost my youngest before I turned 40 to a failed bone marrow transplant....fast forward 8 years lost my marriage. Now I am separated coming up on the time for filing for divorce( husband wanted it). 

Went out with some married girlfriends and felt so alone when they were talking about their husbands...I guess tonight is the last get together with them. 8 years ago people were uncomfortable being around me because I reminded them unhappy things happy and now I can't be around old girlfriends because they remind me how lonely I feel. This life is awful. 

Thomas' Mom(Forever four)

[Irene]

Hi Adele,
  I was checking on the board and saw your note. I'm sorry about the loneliness you are feeling right now. I think that sometimes when a group of people get together, they might talk about their families etc., and might not have thought about the pain you are feeling inside. Is there a possibility of seeing a close friend on her own, and talking about what is going on with you, rather than in a group situation?
  I just wanted to let you know that we are here to listen.

[Karen Paul]

Adele - I'm so sorry for this extra loss you are going through.. It is hard to be around people, even friends when their lives are so different and they don't think sometimes about how their regular conversations can affect vulnerable friends..

I have felt that sense of loneliness several times in my life.. when I was going through my infertility years surrounded by friends having babies and people would always ask if we had children, it was just unbearable sometimes to be around them. It seemed worse at gatherings because they would all get talking about their kids and I would literally have nothing to contribute but my sorrow..

When my nephew Chris died, I felt that loneliness again.. that inability to participate in conversations about every day things, etc..

It hurts, I'm so sorry.. I think Irene might have a good idea to talk to a close friend separately.. sometimes groups are too much.. they don't mean to hurt, but they do..

Anyway.. I wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and that you ALWAYS have lots of ears here..
luv and hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt

[adele]

Thank you Irene and Karen for posting and your suggestions. Life is just so different now. Not where I want to be.

Adele

[laurenE]

Adele,

Im so sorry for your many losses.   I hope you will continue to post here and find comfort in our friendship.

Lauren

[meemaw]

My son is the one that is now divorced, today was final.  He has been through so much because of his ex.  She has told so many lies and used their child as a pawn. All my children are hard working responsible adults.  Their 20th anniversary was earlier this month. The problem is I have such bitterness and anger toward her for what she did to my son, don't know if she actually committed adultery but she had a boyfriend. They were caught in her brothers' house. Next month my son will be 44 years old and has to start  over.  Can you imagine what it feels like to have to move in with your mother because she has put you in debt and it will take awhile to get out?      I was beginning to heal from the death of my husband 2 years ago and I found out a lady I worked with and like a lot has cancer. She has it  several places the out look is not great, also her son-inlaw died in his sleep, he was 31. The last week has been really bad.  At first I wanted to call her right away but then I thought i would just be bothering her.  Instead I decided to send her  a card(thinking of you) and let her know  I was here for her  and if I could do anything at all call me.  Gave her my cell phone number.    Some how it just  doesn't seem like enough . I really don't know what to do.    Meemaw       

[Autumn Leaves]

Adele, the aloneness is a common feeling amongst those who've lost someone. It sneaks up on you when you least expect it. When you see a couple holding hands or your friend & her husband kissing or hugging, when you go into a restaurant and say "just one" when asked how many in your party, when you go to the movies by yourself or vacation by yourself, . . . you feel alone. I can't say it will never go away but the acute pain will diminish. Yes, there's no one home to greet you or to worry if you're late and there's no one to help you get the stuff off the high shelves or open the stubborn pickle jar but we learn to accommodate - and to make new friends and become closer with our neighbors.
Life will get better! It might seem to take forever but it does get better.

[eric]

Do you have faith in God? I can't imagine how difficult it was to lose a child and it may not seem comforting but everything happens for a reason. Your son is lucky to be with his creator. He is in Heaven and it is a much better place. As far as the marriage, why did it end? Why did he want it? God puts spouses in our life for a reason he takes us and makes us one flesch. We are intended to stay together. I would imagine that your husband to was having a difficult time with the loss of your son and he too needed someone to be there for him. Were you truly there for each other? The word marriage to me means work! It is not always peaches and cream but the good times that are had after going thru the lows are worth it! Do you still love him, what about him did you love when you first fell for him? I talk to my Pastor a lot about many different things and it is not about our plans because ours really don't matter it is the plan of our Father in Heaven that matters. God Bless I hope this may help you. Remember that each day is a sturggle and if you get to the next day you have won! If you make it thru a week it is a even bigger win! Just think how you will feel after a month, six months a year? Best of luck on winning you can do it. Searching for help means that you want to get thru this and that is just what you will be able to do taking it one day at a time!

[RICHARDSON]

Adele,

I read your post and I am very sorry for your losses.  I am new to this site and I thought I would check it out as I myself have just started divorce proceedings.

  It is also hard to be with my married friends as they all want to talk about their life and I feel that I dont have anything to contribute to anymore since my marriage is ending.

Please know that I am thinking of you and I hope that things get better.

Regards,

Jennifer

[Nogal38]

I am in the same place you are......very surreal indeed.  My mother-in-law has been very ill for quite some time and will probably not survive the next 24 hours.  I am feeling so left out of everything and alone with my feelings.  However, it is good to see the responses here - I know things will change and I already feel much relief since our separation, however some of these days are hard.  If it helps anyone to share my story, I will continue to do so.