Feel like an orphan now...

[kimiisme]

  I am 39 years old, and have lost both my parents. My Dad had diabetes and had a heart attack a few weeks after going into a coma in July of 2001. He was 78 years old and had a full life, but I miss him so very much!! He was a very special man! He loved his children unconditionally and gave us everything he could in life! It hurts as much as it did the day he died, time doesn't always heal... what a lie! They should have added "Except when someone you love dies", to that saying!
  My Mom took her life in Oct. 2007. She was 56. She was remarried and living in Ohio. We were all so shocked that she did it! She left a note saying it wasn't planned- said the thought just came to her, and felt right!! Can you believe that?? Her letter also went on to say how much she loved her husband(Ron), and they were soul-mates etc... bottom line was that she didn't want to be a disappointment to anyone anymore. None of saw her that way, it's pretty sad. I miss her so much! I was so mad at her at first! Now it hurts so much, my heart actually ACHES!!
  A good friend of mine lost her Mom this past year and after my Mom died, she said how said it was that I am an "orphan" now... I hadn't thought of it that way yet - and we both cried and cried!
  I'm so glad I found this site to help me cope. Thank you for all the support you have given me!
                  -kimiisme

[Karen Paul]

Kimi - you are not an orphan - you still have your parents, they are just not physically with you. I remember right after my nephew died my brother, in anguish, said I'm not a dad anymore - of course he is, he doesn't cease being a dad just because his son is dead - and you don't cease being your parents daughter because they are gone -

Though I can understand that you may have that feeling of "aloneness" that being an orphan brings.. but grief is that way anyway - it does make us feel very alone - but here you are no longer alone as there are people here who understand your grief as much as anyone can who is not in your shoes -

Your mom's death in particular must have been such a shock - and the feeling of anger is perfectly normal I think when someone takes their own life - I'm so sorry for all your pain and anguish -

I do hope you find this a safe place to share all the parts of your grief - and your loving memories of your parents -

luv and hugs, Karen
proud aunt of Christopher

[laurenE]

Kim,

I am so sorry.  I remember the day my boss asked me what it was like being an orphan after my mom died 5 yrs ago.   It was a tough day for me as well.  I hope you continue to post on our main board so that you can get the support that you need here.  There are lots of us there that have lost our parents.

[in2hens2]

I too lost both of my parents my father a month ago, and my heart hurts as if it was going to burst out of my chest.  I know it is awful, there is no way through this but I am working at it.  I know we are all here for each other, it helps to know others are here to give us hope.  I lost my son at the age of 3 and it is now 31 years later, it still hurts, I see his picture and ache to see him again/  But we hopefully can help each other work this out.  We both were fortunate to have really good fathers, that is a blessing for us both.