Intro

[inwinterbleeding]

Greetings to all,

It's been requested that I introduce myself since I went ahead and posted and failed to let people know who I was first.  Sorry for that.

My name is Will and I'm 34.  The day before my 25th birthday years ago, my ex-girlfriend decided to terminate our pregnancy.  She was approximately one month along the process.  My initial reaction was to support my partner regardless but essentially she made the decision because she said "we weren't ready to be parents" and it wasn't practical at the time.... all the wrong reasons I think.  We broke up (for reasons not JUST the abortion) and I was left with a jpg. of the sonogram, a glass angel she made and not really knowing how she felt about the situation. 

Needless to say, the months and even to an extent, years after that
I spent in a truly emotional hell.  I questioned everything, was i a bad parent for not speaking up more and what kind of a man was I?  Guilt, depression and all that you can imagine I went though as anyone with feeling or emotions would.  I was angry with her but also angry with myself.   I don't know if a fight would have made a difference but I nearly killed myself emotionally with all of the "what Ifs" if that makes sense. 

I started journaling in a series of Letters to survive emotionally, because i knew i still had a lot to live for, I just struggled to find the reasons.  A few years later, I realized that the story I lived might benefit other men (and women) to let them know that they might not be so alone.  My project sat on the shelf for months or even years at a time plagued by self doubt and whatever.  However my book is now it's in the editing stages.  I sincerely hope to help other people through grief whether it's abortion, miscarraige or however their child was lost.  I sort of learned over the years that if you can make even one other person feel like less of a dork or less alone, than it's all good.

So that's my story in a nutshell.  Glad to be a part of this forum.  Thanks tom.

[Karen Paul]

Will - I'm so sorry for your loss and your pain - this is a good thing to do (introduce yourself in this way) - and helps promote understanding of where you are coming from - though I do not have any experience that would really relate to yours - I have been on these boards for the past few years to share my own grief over the loss of my nephew Christopher - killed by a hit and run driver at 16 yrs old.

Christopher is my brother's only child - my bro was only 23 when Chris was born - and Chris' mom was only 19... there have been many times that I have wondered what our lives and theirs would have been like if they (or she) had decided not to have Chris - i cannot fathom it - so in this way I think I understand maybe a glimpse of what you have gone through.. and in my attempts to grasp what the loss of Chris is to my brother - I have often sought out other men who have lost their children to find out how they feel - my brother is not a talker...

I welcome you to the boards and hope you find some sharing and understanding here.. I have not run into other men here who have been in your particular circumstance - but that doesn't mean they are not here..

I think it is good that you want to share your experiences with others and try to help them in some way - I do not know how I would have made it this far without hearing from other parents and aunts who have lost their child and share some of the same feelings I have had over the past few years..

hugs to you
Karen
proud aunt of Christopher

[inwinterbleeding]

Thanks for your reply.  That means alot.

A good friend of mine once said, " I think the most we can do as people is inspire one another."

Be well.

wz.

[Brenda(Jessica's Mom)]

I am very sorry for your loss. The man I am in love with now has gone thru the same thing you are going thru, not once but twice. He mourns those kids... wonders what they would have been like, etc. He was adamently oppsed to both abortions and both women ignored his pleas and killed the babies anyways. I do not believe in abortion at all, and never have, but there should at LEAST be some laws protecting the father and he should have some say in the whole thing. Its just so tragic. He doesnt talk about it much because I lost my 16 yr old in a MVA and he said once that he thought his loss didnt compare to mine. While I appreciate his sensitivity, I had to point out that I was SOO fortunate that at least I got to know my child for 16 years, he never got to know his at all.

[inwinterbleeding]

Hey there,

It sounds like you have a really good guy.  Sounds pretty selfless.  I hope he shares this forum.  Also, I'd point him in the direction of a book called "Fatherhood Aborted" (which may be hard to find but worth it) and Tom's book Swallowed by a Snake is great too.  He's also welcome to message me if he ever needs another guy to talk to. 

Take care and thanks for sharing. 

wz.

[laurenE]

Inwinterbleeding,

Welcome to our board.   Thanks for introducing yourself.    I hope you find comfort and support here.

Lauren

[lwuest]

Hi Will,

I'm glad you posted your intro and it is really an important subject although I must admit I've never thought about it before.  I am pro choice in the abortion debate because I don't want women to go back to the unsafe conditions prior to the abortion laws.  I also firmly believe women should not use abortion as a form of "birth controil"  I don't think it's something that should be taken without a lot of consideration.

I really do think the daddy's need and should be considered.  Times have changed.....it's not just Mom's who want to be the guiding light in thier child's lives.  Dad's are just as important and should have a part in the decision making process.

I'm not sure how that can take place but your efforts are important.  A huge change in the way society thinks has to begin with one person.

Take care,

Linda