Loss of my husband

[ANGRY]

I lost my husband on a car accident in October 27,2007. I still dont understand why he died so soon after only 4 years of marriage. He left me with two beautiful girls Melissa 3 and carol 8months. Life is so differnent without him and i am still angry . please help. how to i tell my daughter where her father is?

[Crushed]

Kgotla: First let me say how very sorry I am that you have lost your husband in such a way and so young. I have just passed the first year mark, Feb. 6th, and my hubby died in a one car accident. We have 2 grown children and had been married 43 years.
No matter how short or long a time we have it is not enough. We told the small grandchildren the truth in words they could understand. The 3 year old called Pa-Pa all of the time in heaven on her toy phone. The 7 year old had more questions and we answered if we could and said we didn't know if we didn't . He accepted that. it was helpful for him to make a little memorial to Pa-Pa on the mantel and he used his Jeff Gordon truck and driver. It stayed there from last Easter until Christmas when my daughter asked him if it was ok to take it down and put up Christmas stockings.
You are so new on this journey and I will tell you as I was told by a counselor, that when an unexpected death happens it adds another layer to the grieving process because we had no time to prepare and our emotions were all slammed together . It takes time for them to settle down and spread out so that we can begin to function. We have to learn to accept what we can't understand and that takes hard work. Death is a part of life and accidents happen.
It's hard and you have children to raise and you will do it for them and for your husband. Please be gentle with yourself and take the time to grieve. It is the healthy way. Please come back when you want to talk. This site has bee very helpful to a lot of people and I knoe it helped me keep moving.

[laurenE]

kgotla,

Thank you for introducing yourself here.   I am so sorry for your loss.. and at such a young age with 2 precious little ones to raise.  My heart aches for you. 
 
I was 12 when my father died and my sister was 3.  We told her daddy was in heaven with Jesus.  Thats all she could understand at such a young age.  As she got older she was able to understand better, although she would often ask us when daddy was going to come back to be with us.   It was one of the saddest parts of my grief over dad,  watching her not understand.   

 Depending on your personal beliefs about afterlife,  maybe it would help to seek counsel from someone who believes the same way you do...a family memeber,  member or leader of your church or org.  etc.  to help you with how to tell your children that their father is now gone.   

Also,  you might want to also post this now on our main board.  Many more people go there and may be able to offer you more support  and ideas. 

thank you for coming here.  I hope you continue to post and find comfort here.

Lauren

[Shocked]

My husband of seven years died in a car accident on Aug 27, 2007. Six days after we found out we were expecting our second child. Our first son is only two and a half and I too struggle every day with the questions. He knows his dad went to heaven, that it's too far for us to go to. I know he has no way to wrap his little head around the fact he just can't see his dada anymore, although I have told him that he can't go see him. He comes up with ways to get to heaven to see him, tying string to big huge balloons etc.. I understand your pain, I too get very angry. Our littlest ones won't even have the slightest memory, or in my case every even meet their dads. I wish I had a little more to say to help you, it looks like we are almost exactly in the same spot. Maybe as we do think of ways to deal we can share them with eachother.

[ANGRY]

Thank you all for your support. there are days i really feel healed but some days the pain comes again esp when my daughter asks me why im not calling daddy, or sometimes she will say daddy is refusing to come. I find my strength in God and that keeps me going.

[laurenE]

Angry,

Aww,   gosh how I remember my pain when my 3 y/o little sister just could not understand why daddy wasnt coming home.   Broke my heart into a million pieces.    I feel your pain.   I used to tell her Jesus wanted daddy to go be with him and the angels  bc daddy was extra special.    She still questioned,  of course,  but soon grew to understand the finality of death,   which is a very painful blow to any of us who have lost someone. 

I hope you have a good strong male leader in your family who can be there with the kids to help fill the male role model.    We never had that,  but survived just fine.   But sometimes it would have been nice.   

I'm glad you came back.  Keep posting,  it helps.

Lauren