Welcome

[bestgal]

Hi....I'm Barb....I recently lost my dear partner of eight years (Hal)....he died on my 56th birthday November 6th 2008 of (asbestos lung cancer)...I had him at home with the help or non-help of hospice (short staffed).  I finally had to call 911 three days before his death...was too much for me to handle.......I was not at the nursing home for his death which bothers me and I feel horribly guilty.  I was devastated over is death.....then two days after Thanksgiving 2008.....I got the call that my 85 year old mother was dying...I did get to have a beautiful conversation with her...But now I'm clueless as to what I'm supposed to be doing or what is left in life.  I'm managing but spend most days at home with the shades drawn....I have seek medical help and I am on some medications to help me thru this difficult time...How long does it take to feel better?  Months, days, years?  Barb )

[georgiapeaches]

Hi Barb, what similar situations we have, first I am so sorry for your losses. I to lost my husband and my mother this year. It is so hard and there is no time limit . I lost my husband april of this year and my mother in nov. I still am having such a hard time. This site is the only thing that has helped me so far. The fact that I get to write out my feelings when I feel like ranting and raving and then when I feel like just talking with wonderful understanding people that are going through the same thing or if I just feel like reading it has helped me a great deal. PLease go to the main board where everone else is and understands what you are going through. Your in my prayers.

Georgia.

[Luvinmike]

Dear Adam's mum- so very truly sorry for your loss- please post on the Child Loss board as you feel able. We all care very much about you. My prayers are with you as you grapple with the death of your precious boy. Please write and tell us about your son if you can. You can read or see photos of other children who are loved and missed so much. Thinking of you... Terri ( Main board, I lost my husband).

[grainofsand]

adamsmum~ I watched the YouTube of your son, how touching.
So young, and so many friends.  If you post on the Child Loss area, you will find the support you are looking for.  They have been where you are now and will embrace you.
Thank you for sharing Adam with us.

Barb~
Sorry for your loss.  I lost someone from bone cancer, and it was very hard to know the demise, and be helpless to stop it.  It is better to not 'think' of what is left of your life.  Life will unfold before you..and as the pain eases, the color in life starts to return.  We never forget them, or loose the pain of missing them, but it does morph into something livable.

When you are having those dreadful lonely times, please seek us out here...post in the Main area where there is lots of activity.  Read our stories...share yours.  We are here to lend our shoulder for you to cry on.  And we are grateful that now we have another shoulder in you when we need one.  I welcome you to our 'home of healing'...a house which we are all grateful to have, but wish we didn't have the need to be here.

[Luvinmike]

(((Barb))) so sorry for the loss of your beloved husband and dear Mother. I have cried buckets that I should have known somehow to be present at the exact moment my husband "died," please know many share that pain w/ you. You do not have those kinds of powers to have predicted that and neither did I. Symptoms etc. please- doctors' are often caught completely off guard as well. So welcome to the site- please know you are cared for here and please post on the Main board as you feel able to and there are some tutorials available as well. If you need anything just ask. Terri

[i12thrive]

Thanks for the warm welcome, Tom and JeanneB. I'm going out for a walk in the waning sunlight here near Boston. I'll reply more in-depth later.


i12thrive

[i12thrive]

JeanneB,
Thanks so much for your reply and your offer. Right now, I'd like to live in Houston, because it's bitterly cold here!

Tom,
Thanks for your considered answer. I was thinking the same thing about getting a therapist who does both grief and PTSD counseling. I think I have complicated grief from what I've read of it lately. Mys sister has a friend who is a social worker at Mass General Hospital here, and I've looked on their website for both treatments. They have them.

I know you aren't in the Boston area, and maybe you can't make any referrals, either. JUst checking. I've fought emotional illness my entire adult life. I do believe it's finally to the place where there's an end in sight.

Thanks, again, JeanneB and Tom for your warm replies.

i12thrive

[i12thrive]

Dove,
Thanks for thinking of me and saying that you care. It makes a difference.

i12thrive

[andy1964]

Its been nearly 5 months since I lost my wife from a heart attack. She was 44 and we had been married for 22 years. She was my first and only girlfriend and I her only boyfriend. I miss her so much, the pain inside just knots me up. I just cant come to terms with losing her. She was healthy and had no signs of heart problems. We were just chatting one Friday eveing at home and her heart stopped. Although I tried, I couldn't bring her back. Although my doctor keeps telling me that there was absolutely nothing anyone could have done, I keep thinking 'did I do the CPR right?', 'were there earlier signs that I missed?'.and most of all..'I let her down when she was relying on me to look after her. When it came to the crunch, I failed her'... The doctor has told me that they have not been able to find what caused her heart to stop. He said that sometimes but rarely the heart just stops - which makes it harder for me to accept. Its not fair. Why her? We have a daughter who turned 18 a few weeks ago. She is wonderful. While I love her more than words can say, at the same time I feel trapped. On the one hand I want to be with my wife, but on the other I know that I could never take my life and cause my daughter such pain. So I feel stuck here, knowing that I have no choice but dreading the thought of the years stretching out ahead without my wife.  It might sound odd but I dont want to adjust to losing her. I dont want to begin having 'better days'. This would add to the guilt I am feeling. Whilst the rawness of losing her hurts, I dread the day when that rawness begins to fade. We had a happy marriage and I loved her so much. I can be surrounded by good friends and family but at the same time feel so alone. I just need her and want her back.

[grainofsand]

Andy~

If there was something you could of done....you would of done it.  Simple as that.
You can't carry the guilt that you didn't do enough for your wife to keep her alive.  There are just some things out of our control. 

It is hard to not make ourselves feel a bit responsible, it us just our nature.  And don't 'think' beyond today or it will drive you crazy, or else one will dread the years ahead.  Be there for your daughter, and stay in the moment....one foot in front of the other.  You will not feel this way forever. 

I am so sorry for your loss.  Hold your daughter tight to you, see your wife in her eyes and smile.  Know that she lives on through her. 

[Jeanneb]

Andy,

I am so very sorry for the loss of your wife.  You are so early in this journey and your feelings are so normal.

I invite you to post on the main board.  There are many there who truly understand how you feel and walk this journey with you.

You hold on to that daughter of yours and hug her tight... she needs you now more than ever.

Deep breaths and baby steps,
Jeanne
Philip's mom forever
Bruce's sister

[sweetie]

Welcome.  This is a board for new members to introduce themselves and to learn about the various forums for grief we have here at webhealing.com  Please feel free to start a thread telling us about yourself or post the the questions thread if you are looking for clarification.  So often it is very hard to make that first post, to take that risk and say hello.  We are hoping that we can reduce that risk by letting new folks know about the resources here and the ins and outs of posting and replying.

Glad you have found us.

Tom

[sweetie]

My husband died on May 13 2008. We had a good marriage; we were just starting to really communicate without pushing each other's buttons as often. Then we heard the bad news. His prostate cancer had come back and metastized into bone cancer. We were married for 6 years(my first, his second). I would not wish him back the way he was at the end. The last 6 months were devastating for both of us. His anger was phenomenol. What I did was react.
I was pretty numb for about 2 months then the tears started to flow and they have not stopped since. I miss him terribly but have received many gifts as a result of his death.  My faith in God has deepened, my work colleagues have been and continue to be very supportive, my church community was with us throughout this entire ordeal. My family was in the background but nevertheless close in spirit.
All for now
sweetie(this was what I called my husband)

[georgiapeaches]

Hi sweetie,
So sorry to hear about your husband, I to lost my husband this year very suddenly though. I'm glad you have alot of support around you. Its so hard to be all alone in this. Please jion everyone on the main page, there are alot of people there who will support you in this. I hope you can find peace.

Georgia.

[Luvinmike]

Dear Andy and sweetie; so very sorry for the losses of your loves and the shattering it brings to your life.
I am thinking of you.
 My 44 year old husband died suddenly May 17, 2008. I finally have times of emotional balance for periods of time now. I did everything I could do to get help. Some forms of help were supportive  (other people who have had losses, one doctor who lost his wife, our Priest, certain friends) other times I felt more alone than I ever have in my life. I go outside and look in the sky knowing I'll never understand- it seems to squash some of the insane longing. I write in my journal, letters to my husband. And I walk and take care of myself kids, pets. Those are my ideas of coping. I hope some help. Oh and poetry and especially this site. I have read almost every post and I come look at the photos of the children and cry.
 I will say it is better now than it has been. I can now think and communicate a little bit like my old self. Please write again and know how much we care. It is hard, but you are truly not alone. Sincerely, Terri