Welcome

[Mackatraz]

Hi,

I recently lost my ex-husband and it hit me A LOT harder than I thought it would.  I sure am gonna miss him and I know my grief will be take some time to work through.  I am trying to be there for our kids for whenever they need me and I will tell our Grandchildren about their Grandfather every chance I can.

He will live on through our stories and memories and will truly be missed by everyone that knew him.  I am sooo glad I found this group to be able to chat with others and possibly help each other to heal.


Allison

[SNR]

Hi guys!
I lost my Mom In July of 2007. She lived with me and my two young daughters ages 3 and 7 since I first adopted my oldest daughter in 2000. I am a single Mom and she was such an amazing help and support to me and my daughters. She and I were best friends. I miss her so much that I wonder if I will ever be normal again.
I am trying so hard to be strong for my daughters, but sometimes I feel as if no one understands. I try to hide my pain at work, with friends, etc, because most of them have never experienced anything like this and just don't understand.
I don't seem to be progressing from this horrible pit of despair. I guess everyone handles grief differently, but it seems to have affected me so much worse than even my two sisters. I guess it is because Mom lived with me and we spent so much time together.
My Mom gave me such unconditional love that no matter what happened in life her mere presence made it o.k. Everyone loved her! I just hope at some point this gets easier, because so far..not so good.
I feel so lost and don't know how to move forward from the pain. I have read books, prayed, journaled...you name it. It all helps, but the grief is still overwhelming each and every day!
Thanks for listening,
SNR   

[submaker]

We lost our son on march 21. he was 25. he actually died on the 20 but it was sring   break and his roomates were gone. one come back and found him. We sill do not know what happened, the police have ruled out suicide, and say there are to many questions to be accidental, but the campus police did not do a proper job at the scene so evidence was lost. We do not think we will ever know. He was a grad student and  would have graduated in dec of this year. His degree was in Math.

[Moni]

Hi my name is Moni and I am new to this site. Can't even remember how I got here, but so glad I did. Having a hard time dealing with the recent loss of my sister who was my best friend to lung cancer metastisized to the brain. Looking for support and hopefully answers to some questions I have as far as the grieving process is concerned. Has anyone hear ever felt like you have an empty feeling in the pit of your stomach after losing a loved one so intense that you can't eat?Is this normal?

[KawfeeDrnkr]

Moni,

Reading your loss brings back fresh memories of my own loss. My heart goes out to you. Yes, not being be able to sleep, eat, think is all normal processes of grief. There are a lot of caring people on the board who know exactly what you feel. Write your heart out - express yourself and the emotions. You will get the support you need from these loving people who do care and understand your pain.

You and your family will be in my prayers.

[KawfeeDrnkr]

Hi Submaker,

So sorry to read about your loss of your son. Such a tragic way to find out and not have all the answers. I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you ((HUGS)). Come back here often and express yourself - there are caring people on here who know what you are going through and you will get the support you need. I wish you peace and comfort. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

We lost our son on march 21. he was 25. he actually died on the 20 but it was sring   break and his roomates were gone. one come back and found him. We sill do not know what happened, the police have ruled out suicide, and say there are to many questions to be accidental, but the campus police did not do a proper job at the scene so evidence was lost. We do not think we will ever know. He was a grad student and  would have graduated in dec of this year. His degree was in Math.

[tsjones]

Hi,

I don't know very much about chat rooms or how to do this other stuff, but I am willing to learn. I lost my 20 year old son, Jordan, on July 15, 2007 in a car accident. I have not been the same since. I was just trying to find someone to talk to that feels like I do. Please help.

[ShatrdSky]

I lost my younger brother, Mark, at 7:15 am May 26, 2006 to non hogkins t cell lymphoma.  I thought I was dealing with it, but recently it has become as bad as when it first happened, I think it may have something to do with spring time and the anniversary of his death.  I spend a lot of time trying not to think about it and I can't sleep.

Thanks
Annie

[beckoray]

Hi, am trying so hard to get over the death of my older and only brother. I miss him so much. He was ill for a long time and was here in hospice with me for the last 3 years.
He passed away September 30th and it seems harder for me now than it did at the end of last year.
I miss my friend.

[Kenssister]

My brother died on February 9, 2008.  He was 57 years old.  He had been an insulin-dependent diabetic for 40 years, and had all the complications you can possibly have--heart problems, hypertension, eye problems, circulation problems.  Two years ago he had both legs amputated, and was in a nursing home after that.  He was also a paranoid schizophrenic, and I'm having a really hard time finding anyone who understands what it's like to have a brother who is both mentally and physically ill. 
At the end of January he got an aspiration pneumonia, and was hospitalized for that.  I thought he was going to get better, but after multiple antibiotics and treatment, it became clear that he wasn't going to get better and was going to die.  Because I am a nurse and had power of attorney, I had to decide to make him a no-code and to start withdrawing treatment from him, since it wasn't working anyway.  My father and I were there for the last three days of his life, and fortunately he knew we were there and we got a chance to talk to him at the end of his life.  Unfortunately, though, being close to death does not seem to improve a schizophrenic's thinking, and I'm not sure what he thought about his impending death.  He had no will, and I am completely unable to figure out what to do about paying any bills for him, because I have no access to his checking account and cannot even figure out if he owed any money to anyone, since he paid bills in a really random manner.
I now have an 88-year-old father who is having a fair amount of trouble figuring out why he is here when his son is not.  I am only 18 months younger than Ken was, and have a lot of plans for the next 18 months, none of which involve being dead at age 57.  And my surviving 61-year-old brother is having difficulty figuring out how his little brother could be gone, too.  Ken never married (too mentally ill) and had no children, so we are really his only survivors, since our mother died in 1996. 
The only consolation I can find in this situation is that I signed a form to donate my brother's corneas, and I have learned that they were transplanted into a recipient.  People talk about the physical illnesses of a sibling who dies, and of course that's relevant to my grief, but I have never seen anything on any grief forums about people who have a mentally ill family member die.  The lack of quality of life for people with mental illness in this country is difficult to watch when you're a sister--and Ken and I had a serious estrangement (which he wanted) for more than 20 years.  We didn't talk at all during those 20+ years, and it was only after he lost his legs that we had anything to do with each other. I then found myself having to advocate for a man whose thinking was not reasonable or logical, and I had many meetings with his nursing home caregivers about what needed to happen with his care (while knowing that he was often aggressive and hostile with the staff and with me).
It was particularly difficult to me to know about Ken's diabetes and mental illness when I had my son, who is now 28.  I worried about my son becoming diabetic every day while he was growing up, and I also worried all through his adolescence that he too might have a psychotic break.  My son struggles with depression, and I wonder how much of that might be genetic--and if he might still develop serious mental illness like Ken's.  I have no idea how I would be able to watch my son suffer the way my father watched his son do. 
I think that if I had only had to deal with my brother's physical illness, it would have been easier to grieve his loss, but his mental illness made everything about his life far more difficult--and I feel like the only person in the world who has struggled with these issues.  Nobody wants to talk about mental illness, even though it really contributed a lot to his death, because he didn't like people and didn't like being taken care of by other people.
It's hard to figure out if people are right that Ken's death was a blessing, or if it was just really unfair for one person to have two such serious health problems that interacted to kill him far too soon.

[bvc]

Hi, mY seventeen year old granddaughter died by suicide on May 19, 2007.  This event has shattered my family and transformed everyone of us.  She was our son's only child and our oldest grandchild.  Her parents had divorced many years ago, and we're not sharing our grief... There is a lot of resentment...
When I go to visit her grave I feel that is not right... A grandmother shouldn't be visiting a granddaughter's grave... It is suppossed to be the opposite...
Life has handed us an extremely cruel blow and I hope we can survive it...
thank you for this opportunity to share my grief...
bvc

[MsPen]

Hello,

I am really quite distressed and at a loss as to how to help my boyfriend - he has pushed me away stating how sorry he is but following the death of his second wife 7 years ago (breast cancer, he nursed her at home) he had a premonition (not in a dream but whilst begging God in his grief to help with the pain he had an overwhelming feeling of calmness and felt he could go on afterwards) that in August 2008 he "would pass on" and he feels there is the strong possibility that this is when he will die.  He has a 12 year old son too from his first marriage where that wife died of Alzheimers, he also lost a brother to suicide prior to his second wifes death.  He has been through so much pain and anguish in his life it tears me apart to not be able to help him see that this is when he needs me the most, as a friend at least.  He believes he did the best thing pushing me (and is so despondent that he has hurt me this way) away as he doesnt want me to go through the same grief he did following a loved ones death so thought it best to call it off now, as hard as it is, but not as hard as later on.  I have emailed him (he does not wish to see me or talk as it is too hard) with support, suggesting the premonition may have meant something else etc etc.  He needs time and space.  Has he unresolved grief?  Is he frightened he will lose me or his son? What do I do? How do I help or do I just wait and let him know I am here if and when he needs me?
Thank you for listening.

[shari]

Hi, I am Shari.  I'm not sure I am doing this correctly.  I lost my mom 8 mos ago.  She had been sick for many years.  My dad was her primary caregiver.  I am their only child, and I helped him as much as I could.  I have 2 children and a terriffic husband.  We live(d) about 1 1/2 hrs away by car and I went whenever they needed me and tried to stay as long as I could.  I called them numerous times/day when she was sick and I wasn't there.  Her "illness" ruled my life.  Most days I didn't know if I should call early in day (then it might "ruin" my day if she was doing poorly) or later in day (then I would feel guilty for having had a 'good' day, if she was doing poorly).  Vacations were horrible, I called numerous times and couldn't relax and enjoy.  Anyway, now that she is gone I still feel 'stuck' because I am so worried about my dad.  Not his health, just his general well being.  They were married 51 years, 1week, 1 day.  My birthday and their anniversary share the same day!  She was sick for so long, that I 'lost' her along time ago (emotionally) and though I feel some sense of relief at her passing, I feel guilty about that.  Mother's day is in 3 days, and I am really dreading it.  I am a mother, and so I want to rejoice in that, at the same time, of course I miss her, and then there's how to deal with dad.  He is having such a hard time.       
Thanks for 'listening' - - shari

[Spikemom]

Welcome.  This is a board for new members to introduce themselves and to learn about the various forums for grief we have here at webhealing.com  Please feel free to start a thread telling us about yourself or post the the questions thread if you are looking for clarification.  So often it is very hard to make that first post, to take that risk and say hello.  We are hoping that we can reduce that risk by letting new folks know about the resources here and the ins and outs of posting and replying.

Glad you have found us.

Tom

[Joannasmommy]

Hello, my precious four and a half month old baby daughter passed away on the third of May 2008 and I am having a very hard time dealing with her being gone. She brought so much happiness and sunshine to my life. Now she is gone and all I do is cry and wish that I was with her.I miss her so much and I keep seeing in my mind the morning I found her. I just dont know how I can handle this.[/