lost brother

[Billsis]

My brother, Billy, died suddenly on 12/3/06.  He was 42 years old and as far as we knew healthy.  He died in his sleep. He hunted, fished, played ball and overall had a very active life with lots of friends that truly loved him.  He never married or had children but left behind another brother and myself.  We still can't believe this has happened.  My brother and I are struggling to get through every day.  My remaining brother and Billy were closer than any two people I have ever known.  They spoke on the phone 6-8 times a day and saw each other almost every evening.  My brother is griefing so badly I fear for his safety.  He is so lost without Billy and unconsoleable.  I can't make it through a day without crying and  yet I feel I need to try to comfort my brother.  We also lost a sister ove r 30 years ago and our mother died 3 years ago.   any thoughts or suggestions as to how we can  support one another?

[Sad Eyes]

Billsis,

I am so sorry for your loss.  Sudden and unexpected deaths are so hard!!!  When you add being so young on top of it, no wonder everyone is having a tough time.  I my opinion another death also brings back the pain and sorrow from having lost your mom recently and of course you would remember you sister too.   Have any of you seen a counselor???  I have experienced multiple deaths and talking with a counselor give me so much needed coping skills.  Of course it doesn't take away the pain and sorrow, but it does make it somewhat easier.  Good luck and let us know how everyone is doing.  It helps to visit with those of us who understand what you are going through.  Take care!!!!

[Trisho]

Billsis -  I am so sorry for your loss.  I have not lost a sibling and cannot even imagine the pain that you and your brother are going thru.  My only sister was in a horrible motorcycle accident 4 years ago on Monday.  She was airlifted and in intensive care.  Initially we weren't sure the damage to the brain, skull, etc.  I remember the feeling of total loss during that time.  I'm the younger sister and had to endure it alone.  Fortunately, she survived and is fine.  I always count my blessing when I see her.  Her and I speak everyday, we spend alot of time together and we would be lost without one another.  I lost my fiancee Nov. 14, 2005 suddenly and am pretty lost without him.  My sister has been my rock during this time in my life.  I miss him everyday.  Today also was my father's birthday.  He died 24 years ago at the young age of 51.  I miss him too.  Losing someone we love takes a big toll on us and for me when my fiancee passed it brought back alot of pain from my father's death even though it was so long ago.  For you the loss is very new and also the loss of your mom is new and then to have also lost your sister.  If I could give you a big hug - I would.  I did do some counseling so maybe that would help your brother.  I wish you strength and always know people on this board will listen and truly do care. Warm thoughts and sympathy.  Trisho

[Billsis]

We  have just passed the one year anniversary for our dear brother Billy.  it still doesn't seem real, I can't believe he is gone.  We remembered the day with a memorial ad in the paper with his picture.  we have received a number of messages through legacy.com that are very comforting.  When does the pain and sadness stop?

[Lonnie]

I'm so very sorry for your loss of your wonderful brother, and I am concerned for your other brother as well. I know it is unbearably difficult when they were so very close. With him dying so near Christmas, that has to be terribly hard on both of you as well. How nice to have the memorial in the paper. I agree with Trisho that perhaps counseling would be a great help to both of you, and especially your brother. It has really helped me get through so many things. Come back and share with us often. You are in my thoughts and prayers-Lonnie

[hummingbird]

hi Billsis,
I am so sorry for your losses.
I loss my brother aged 44 on 10th january 2007 to a heart attact, he was also very fit and healthy as far as we knew,swimming in compertition most weekend( he died training for a compitition).
He also never maried or had children but left behind my mum  dad 2 sisters and myself me being the youngest and he was the oldest.
He was the rock of the family always helping where he could
It totally shocked my whole family and every one that knew him and he knew so many people over 200 people came to say their good byes.
I have found it so very hard to get through everyday life, i have tried to take my own life on 2 occasion and the only reason i'm still here is because of my partner john my family and my best mate sonia who have stuck by me even thought it has been tough on them, John has nearly walking away because of the stupid things i have done but he is still there for me.
I was refered to a mental health doctor who would have liked me to go on anti-depressants, i chose to go with a counseller which halped me so much along with finding this site.
Everyone is great here we all help each other thers is alway some one here to help  if its from advice, some one just to talk to and listen, a few kind words and of course someone that really understand the pain and the feelings you are going through.
I think it would benefit and help you both if you could both see a conseller and a doctor, anti-depressant can be really helpfull if you choose them, they help you cope abit better   
I have 2 children to live for but it has still been such a struggle.
I am really feeling the pain of missing him at the moment as last chritmas was the last time we spent quality time together.( i saw him the saturday b4 he died, he died on the wednesday evening).
They say the first b/days, christmas's etc with out are loved ones are the hardeast, i hope the pain does become less but i will never stop missing him i know that for sure.
I have my children, family,john my friends and everyone here helping me through this hard time.
I see it as we are all on a path and we all have to walk it in our own time and pace helping people as we pass them maybe even making new friends and having happy times again.
I am quickly approaching the yr anniversary and i miss or love him no less and the pain is no less but i can cope better now because of the help i have found to talk and not  bottling it up, to cry and show my feelings.
I  hope you and your bother find some help, we are always here to talk.
Please come back and talk to us some more when your ready, sorry i have rambled on! its good to talk though and to remember them fondly don't u think?
Take care big hugs Helen xx

[Missy]

I do not know if you believe in God or not but I know from my own personal experence taht he is there.
My mom dided suddenly she was talking and just stopeed and fell over in her chair it has now been 2 years.. It was a very hard time for me because I was very close to my mom she was my best friend. I did not know what I was going to do and I was also goint through a divorce and through it all I turned my life over to God and he really helped me through.
 One of the most comforting things that happened was on my way to bury my mom I heard her voice and she told my to be strong and not to worry that it was beautiful.
 Loseing her was just awful because I lost a very big part of me, but thing happen for a reason and one day I hope you are able to see how his death brought some kind of change that need to happen.
I wish you all the best in finding your comfort and a way to deal with your situation.

[Lonnie]

Missy: I am so sorry for the loss of your wonderful mom, but glad that you have found comfort in the Lord. Come and visit with us on the Main Board if you ever need to talk more about her. Hugs-Lonnie