1 year of Harley man's accident today

[kelly37]

Well I didn't think I'd ever make it to today if you would've asked me a year ago!

Today at 11:00 is when I received the horrible phone call from a witness to my parents motorcycle accident!  I was getting ready to go outside & play w/the kids when the phone rang. I didn't know the name on the caller ID but I answered anyways & she said "Is Kelly there"? I said "this is" & she said "You need to sit down, honey; your parents have been in a motorcycle accident".  I can hear it so clearly---like it was yesterday!  This witness (I think she was an angel) called me at least 3 times telling me what was going on w/my parents.  At first she thought the other couple in the accident was my parents & they were fine just going to a local hospital.

The next call is "oh  honey I'm so sorry; your parents are injured and being life flighted".  My life shattered!  I arranged a sitter for my kids & got a hold of my sister in law &  husband & we went to the hospital an 1hr away.  I got there about 1:15.  They said "your parents are fine; they're lucky".  They were getting them into their rooms in ICU & I was escorted up by pastoral care.

The first room was my dad's.  He was in a neck brace & nurses were all around his bed but I could hear him talking! Whew I thought he's ok.  They told me to go see my mom first; they were done w/her & she was resting! My poor mom! I thought she was more serious than my dad at the time. She was out of it. Her face cut up, her head shaved on 1 side w/a huge C shaped cut full of staples!  After visiting her a couple minutes, they said I could go see my dad.  He was AWAKE, ALERT & ORIENTED!!!  I held his hand. We talked. He told me what happened & he asked how mom was.  At the time I didn't want to tell him how badly she was hurt. I was relieved that they were ok!  The day was a mess for me.  I was 36 years old, the baby of the family, already lost a brother (but he died instantly) to a motorcycle accident & I had to take all this responsibility of caring for my parents.  I was a physical, emotional wreck!!!!  I ran back & forth from room to room all day not knowing who to be with!

I made several phone calls all day getting ahold of friends & family, all of my dad's biker friends, his work, mom's work......Then about 6:00 surgeons tell me dad needs immediate surgery on his broken legs; dad kept telling me the bandages are on too tight (here it was his leg swelling from an arterial cut in the broken leg) but I said they were going to fix it for him.  I had to watch him sign his name for surgery consent as a witness----needless to say I didn't think this would be the last time I'd ever see him awake! 

I walked beside him to surgery, kissed him & said "I love you Dad" & he said "I love you too".  The nurse said "Oh this is harder on your family than it is for you, you're just going to take a nice nap"----what a nap!  He never woke up again to talk.  I sat & waited with my parents friends who came to sit w/me & my husband.

It was 11:00 at night & he was out of surgery & getting ready to go to radiology to see how blood flow was since surgery! I kissed him good-bye (he was on a respiratory now) & they said go home we'll call you if anything comes up. 

Last night as I was laying in bed, I could see visions of his face laying on that stretcher going to surgery! He was scared! He didn't say it but I now can see it. I should've hugged him harder but I didn't want to hurt him. I should've talked to him more.  The next day after surgery he was going to be put in a medical coma for pain per the hospital, I remember saying I'm going to see mom dad & he pushed my hand away!  This causes me so much pain.  I should've stayed by his side. But I had no reason to believe he was going to die!!

I was in denial the whole 18 days of this traumatic journey!  Why should I think he was going to die? No one said he was so critical! He was alert & oriented; he was fine! There were many moments of ups & downs for 18 days.  We stayed at a place right next to the hospital so we didn't have to drive back & forth.  We were zombies. We'd walk over during visiting hours, stay & talk; we'd go eat; we'd go to our room; we'd go back for visit etc......For 18 days I believed he was coming out of this, I held his hand EVERY day & talked to him about everything.  I wanted to be there when he woke up! The nurses told me to write a journal so he could read it when he woke up---I started one but when he died, I threw it away! 

So now it has been 1 year. I miss him dearly.  My faith is questionable in this whole ordeal I admit.  There were so many prayers for my dad, & they weren't answered! Why?  It's so not fair.  To this day, I have so many unanswered questions, why?, how?, but I have to let it go!  I'm angry & I pray to get over this!  I want my mom, my sister & me to move on but it's hard. 

Well today I have to go to my son's baseball vs. parents end of season game so I will try to put on a happy face and hide the pain in my gut.  I know that last year around this time my dad was here physically watching this game so I'll do it for him.  He has to be watching from Heaven. 

I've got to get through this day!

[Lonnie]

Kelly: Bless your heart! I'll be thinking of you and praying for you today. In a way, I am glad that you have the game to go to. We went through something similar when my dad died. He went in to have triple bypass surgery-something that thousands of people do all the time, and he made it through that fine, but we never dreamed he would die from his stay in the hospital. He got so many hospital aquired infections (pneumonia, staph, etc.), and that is what actually took his life. He was also on a respirator for over 2 weeks, in a medically induced coma state, and we were unable to talk to him. They took him off the respirator for about 2 days, and he was able to mouth, "I love you" to my mom. It took all his strength, and it was all we got, but we were so thankful for that moment. Shortly after, he went back on the respirator, and eventually his infections took his life. It was a painful ordeal, and a shocking one. I can only imagine how it was for you, when your dad was initially talking and alert. He must have had serious internal injuries, as you mentioned. I am so sorry for all you have been through, both with your brother and your dad. I can't even fathom what your mom went through, with her own serious injuries, and then losing her husband as well. Not to mention, already having experienced the death of your brother from a motorcycle accident. You are an amazing family to get through all this, but what choice do you have but to keep going, right? I hope you will have some good memories of your dad today as well.  I will be praying for you! Many Hugs-Lonnie

[kelly37]

Lonnie,
Thank you for the prayers! It's amazing how we have the strength to go on...A year ago today I would've said "no way" but here we are.  This site has opened my eyes really!    I thank you all; it's a great support area.  Things everyone say hit me & say wake up Kelly.  I have been given encouragement to keep moving forward.  My uncle just e-mailed & said he wishes he could be here w/us (he lives in FL) but he said you've got to believe they're in a better place!  I do.....I read other peoples posts & it just helps knowing if they can do it so can we!  My dad would want us to keep going; he wouldn't have passed knowing mom wouldn't be ok but I truly believe he felt okay leaving us!  Thank you  hugs  Kelly

[Crushed]

kelly 37, you have passed a major milestone and even though there was pain and hurtful memories you made it in tact. I hope the next year will be easier for you and your family. I have given thanks many times that I don't have to relive that horrible day ever again in real time. I pray that as time goes by those memories of that time will become smother around the edges and not as sharp when they stab us. I know that time wears down the rough edges and that good memories begin to replace bad. The trick is taking the time to get to that place and not trying to rush things. Our society does not give us that time and we have to claim it for ourselves.
 I find it so amazing that the times I absolutely dread and would avoid at all cost ,if that were an option ,usually come out fine. I so much over built them up in my mind. It's the little things that crop up and seem almost meaningless that punch me in the stomach so hard that I can hardly breathe.
Thank you for sharing your story about your mother and the couples thing. I know I am not alone in those feelings and it's nice to hear that others are in the same boat and that you are not alone.