to mom23kidsco- Suicide during the holidays

[jazzgirl]

Hi there,

I just noticed how you lost your son to suicide on New years eve. I lost my brother to suicide last year on New Years Day.  I was just curious if you still do stuff for those holidays. I feel like for our kids is the only reason I want to do it. I just don't seem to care for the holidays now. I was very mad at first that he chose to do it on that day, but at the same time, I just wished I could have reached out and known that he was in so much pain at that time. I know the holidays puts a lot of stress on people and I think that is why I don't enjoy them. Holidays are not suppose to be like that. I just don't know how I am going to be able to get back to "Tis the season". I hate that feeling because I use to be such an up beat person. Last year just felt like when the family came together, it just wasn't complete. We decided to change the "Normal" routine up so it wouldn't be so weird so  we rented a vacation house in the mountains, but it still was weird because he would have been there for that with his family.
I just wander if I will ever get that excitement back for the holidays.